Here's an email we recently got:
My girlfriend just broke up with me.
We were together for about a year and a half.
But most of that time was spent long distance.
Even though I hate long distancerelationships, I told her that I would dowhatever it takes to keep us together. And I did all I could to keep the relationship going.
I did all the little things that youmentioned in your book because I wanted herto fall in love with me and have romantic feelings for me so we would stay together fora long time.
What I can't understand is that it seems likethe better I treated her, the worse shetreated me, until she finally just broke up with me.
She even said to me one day, "Why do youtreat me so well? All I do is treat you like garbage.
"My question is, why is that? And how can I get her back?
Answer:
Wait, you WANT her back? OK, that's up to you.
There's no "sure thing" to get her back, buthaving her know that you aren't desperate forher is a certain first step.
To this end you must date other women.
Will that get her back? Perhaps. If she's done with you, she's done with you. But if she's just sick of a guy who doesn't mind being treated without respect, and you showsome self-respect, she might come back.
Probably not at this point, but it could happen. Dating other women and having sexwith other women must be part of this program.
When you are nice to a woman who is not nice to you, she loses respect for you and subsequently treats you worse in the next interaction.
If you accept that, she treats you worse the next time.
Taking a lot of crap is not the same as beingloving. We are not saying to be mean to women, but you have to treat yourself with respect, and you can start re-building that self-respect now.
A lot of guys are confused on this point, solet's repeat it: being loving to a woman andgiving up your self-respect are not the same thing.
So many men are afraid that no woman willever want them, so they give up their self-respect, and become unwilling to takecare of their own feelings or even to walk away from abuse.
Well, get this through your head: letting a woman walk all over you doesn't get you thegirl. Not only is it painful, it doesn'twork. So stop doing it!
In any situation with a woman where you thinkyour self-respect may be being compromised,ask yourself,
"What would the man I'm committed to being doin this situation?"
Also ask,
"What would I do in this situation if therewas an abundance of sex in my life?"
Then take the risk of losing the girl andacting with self-respect.
As they say, "living well is the bestrevenge." When a woman sees you treatingyourself with respect, she'll be more likelyto respect you, too.
Thanks to Ron Louis and David Copeland
Here's an email we recently got:
My girlfriend just broke up with me.
We were together for about a year and a half.
But most of that time was spent long distance.
Anyone that has been a frequent reader of the tips in thisnewsletter has noticed some very common but important themes.
They stress the importance of exuding confidence, not coming on toostrong at first, and having patience by not rushing a relationship.They pretty much give you a script to follow in order to keep awoman's interest level in you high.
I'm a senior in college as a management major and one of the books Ihad to read this semester was "What They Don't Teach You at HarvardBusiness School" by Mark McCormack. One of his business tips is tofollow the script in making a sale:
People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the mostbeautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is, Imean jellyfish with long, blond hair. - Jack Handey
There are only two people I know that are what you would call "Natural DJs" -- both of whom are good friends. One of them is Andy, the other Liam and both of them are in there early 20s. I know one of them through uni, the other is a neighbor.
I would like to share with you some of my observations of these guys because I believe that some of their qualities are exceptional,especially when it comes to handling women and life.
Many of the qualities that I have described have been well documented in the past on this website, but I thought it would begood to present to you their most obvious character traits.
- baLooT Inc 2007 -
I find that the key part of the game plan is to keep the conversation going. Once you have your approach down, once you have this beautiful creature lined up in your sites, what the hell do you talk about?
Well, as we have all read over and over again, the first and foremost subject that she would LOVE to talk about is, *drum roll* HERSELF! Of course.
So, sitting in bed watching a little tv the other night, I happened upon Jay Leno interviewing the ultimate babe, Pamela Anderson. So I'm thinking to myself, "My God! If I ran into Pam Anderson, I would have NO IDEA what to talk about!" Than Jay started to run his game.
I was so surprised to see how he handled it that I burst out laughing!
A lot of times my friends notice me talking with beautiful women whenever we go out and they always ask me, what do you say to them, how do you spark a conversation?
Okay, it's very simple. I tell them stories. Who doesn't like stories, right? So I guess your wondering what kind of stories to tell them.
I prefer comical stories. With that in mind, you need to decide what story you want to tell. When I approach women, I like to tell them stories about how I got on the wrong bus last week, how I drank too much at this party in college and what happened, when I slipped on some ice and fell in public, etc. Just make sure that it's something funny and something they can relate to.
Nightclubs are one of the best places to meet women. Most of the women are there because they are single and available or are with someone who is.
To pick them up you need to follow a few simple steps:
1. After you enter the club begin to observe who is making eye contact with you. You will get eye contact if:
a. You are dressed a little above average.
b. You give off the aura of being a confident alpha male type.
I speak from experience, that a crappy phone presence can either RUIN you, or make you seem so confident, mysterious, and fun that she can't WAIT to go out with you.
Here's what I've learned (and trust me, I've blown it many times and learned the hard way).
1) Nervous
I've learned how to handle this one. The trick is to WAIT until you are in a calm but goofy mood. This will be the exact right tone. Then I launch right into the cocky-goofy thing cause it flows right out.
"This is Sean... we met in the coffee bar and you gave me your number? Yeah, I just won the lottery and wondered if you were still single?" You get the idea.
If you want to be somewhat original when shaking a girl's hand or anyone's hand for that matter try this:
When going in for the handshake extend your hand and take hers gently. Right before you take her hand have your left (or right) hand come over hers. Hold it there for an extra second and give her your killer smile and some nice eye contact.
I learned this from Trent in swingers and it has worked wonders for me. It shows confidence and you don't see most guys do it. It's different. I get positive reactions literally almost all the time.
Give it a try!
thanks to Otter for this tips.
Picture this: you are a sub-average looking guy, you haven't got the gift of the gab with women, but after just 4 words to the hottest babe at the venue, you have her in your arms squealing with delight?
Sounds like baloney? No, it's called swing dancing!
I took up East Coast swing dancing a couple of years ago. It's a great way to meet girls, and there's always a large girl to guy ratio.
Most men HATE the idea of "rejection".
I'm not talking about "don't like the idea" or "wish it didn't happen"... I'm talking HATE here.
The idea of walking up to a woman and having her REJECT you causes most men to instantly feel sick in the pit of their stomachs and literally feel a horrible combination of nervousness and confusion.
I don't consider myself a Don Juan. I don't have the perfect thing to say, I'm not always funny, but I do have one quality that most men don't possess anymore: I act like a man.
I realize that this topic has been discussed and addressed over and over again in the form of challenge, confidence, self control, etc. However, there is more to it than that, and I think a lot of guys don't truly understand what it means to be a man.
Being a man, first and foremost, is doing what you want, and standing by what you do.
Before I continue, let me preface this by saying that I don't consider myself an attractive man. Maybe at best a 5 on the looks scale if you were to look at a picture of me. Yet I have a gorgeous woman who is head over heels in love with me, and others who want my attention and are just as good looking. How is this possible?
When you get a number from a really attractive woman and want to organize a date with her, you need to be smart. If you want to GET her, then you can't just take her out for a drink, a movie or a nice candle-light dinner. Why? Because it doesn't make her feel that gut level emotion called attraction towards you.
You can't just do what every other guy has done before you. If you do, then you will get what all the other guys she has dated got too: a kiss on the cheek and a new female friend.
And we don't want that to happen at all costs!
So, in order to be successful when it comes to the initial date, you need to do something unlike most men. Don't spend any money on her... that just shows her that you want to BUY her affection. A very bad idea! It never works.
by Ron Louis & David Copeland
In this article we will explore the devastating effects of being nervous around women, and we'll offer some tips on how you can relax and communicate a relaxed and confident image to women.
How many of you struggle with feeling nervous, scared and anxious around women? Out of the thousands of men we've worked with nearly every guy struggles with anxiety. Most guys feel fear when approaching a woman, and guess what? It shows! When you feel scared, the woman senses it, sees it, feels it, and your chances of success go right into the toilet.
Can we make you super calm, cool, and relaxed overnight? No way. Fear and nervousness are part of being a seducer. Fear is a natural response when doing anything exciting -- rock stars feel afraid before walking out on stage, athletes before starting a game, and amazing seducers feel it before approaching a woman. What separates successful people from unsuccessful people is that successful people learn how to utilize the POWER of their fear and use it to propel them into ACTION. Unsuccessful people become paralyzed by fear and fear becomes something that continually knocks them out of the game.
Fear and anxiety, in fact, can impact every aspect of succeeding with women. Not only can you feel nervous inside, but you also telegraph anxiety in your body movements, in the speed and way you speak, and in your general presence around women. So, we're going to recommend some ways to act around women and some ways NOT to act around women. Even if you can only partially implement these suggestions -- your game will greatly improve with women. If not, you're likely to end up just another Boring Nervous Bonehead.
Boring Nervous Boneheads (BNBs) tend to move too quickly. When you feel pressure to approach and talk to a hot babe, your mind, in response, starts to speed up, and pretty soon you have created even more anxiety and it is even harder to make the actual approach. As you speed up, your heart rate then increases, your breathing becomes shallower, and pretty soon you've really freaked yourself out and the chances of success continue to plummet. And then you've again become... just another BNB.
Here are some things you can start doing TODAY to greatly increase your game and help you to more fully get in the game, feel better about yourself, and help you think more clearly and effectively on your feet.
Mindset
If we could listen in to the inner dialog of a BNB we'd hear all sorts of scary stuff. We'd hear someone telling themselves over and over that they are not good enough, that they can never succeed with women, that everyone else can learn from Ron and David -- why can't they? We'd likely hear someone saying over and over, "I can't approach her. I just feel too scared." We would likely hear loads of other negative self-critical talk. And after hearing these yucky things the BNB tells himself over and over, there would be no surprise in watching him fail as he approached women over the course of an evening, a week, a month, or even a year.
The BNB scares himself half to death each time he approaches a woman, rather than consistently working on his mindset to create more confidence. Instead of examining and challenging his limiting beliefs, his fears and concerns, the BNB becomes a victim to his own self-imposed prison.
The successful seducer, however, works for weeks, months, or even years to improve his confidence and feelings of self worth. The successful seducer works on projecting confidence, self-acceptance, strength and openness. The successful seducer consciously works on changing his inner dialog to play the messages that are empowering, not limiting.
Talking Too Fast
The Boring Nervous Bonehead simply talks too damn fast. When approaching a woman for the first time, the BNB talks so fast that she can hardly understand what he is saying. The BNB projects fear from the moment he opens his mouth, and the woman therefore has no doubt that he's just another BNB and blows him off immediately. The successful seducer is able to enunciate when he speaks and he talks slowly enough so that the woman can clearly understand him.
The successful seducer is not in a hurry when talks to women. He feels comfortable enough to leave space in the conversation for silences. The successful seducer enjoys the tension of silence.
The successful seducer takes his time when talking to women so that he can connect with her and he can keep himself in a calm frame of mind. Starting today, when you approach a woman slow down your speed when speaking.
Nervous Movements
There are a host of movements we all do when we're nervous. And to make matters worse, the more nervous movements you make around a woman the more nervous you will feel inside. Start to become aware of how you do these movements and work on eradicating them from your repertoire.
Specifically, a BNB does thing like moving his hands around like a crazy person when he speaks. The BNB fidgets because he is so nervous. He also makes jagged motions that seem unnatural. Jagged motions tend to convey someone who is stiff and tense. Worst of all, the BNB avoids eye contact with women. He's afraid to take the risk of facing a woman, looking into her eyes, and having her know that he is checking her out.
How does the master seducer move? He moves in a graceful manner, not in wild and crazy hand gestures. A relaxed seducer seems like he's out talking to a friend, not trying to bust out some huge sex moves on women. The confident seducer can just enjoy interacting with women at any stage of the game and his body posture and motions display his level of comfort.
Trying Too Hard
The BNB feels he has to win women over, and does so by trying too hard. He comes across more like a used car salesman than a seductive guy. As we mention in "How to Talk to Women", the Extroverted Communicator tends to compensate for fear by talking too much and too loudly. The Introverted Communicator, however, telegraphs his fear by not talking loudly enough and by being too scared to keep initiating conversations with the woman.
The BNB shows that he is trying too hard with women by constantly nodding his head up and down in a "yes" motion when he talks to women, as if this will have some subtle impact on her being in a "yes" sort of mood. He might also frequently say, "Yea, I know just what you mean." Or, "right." Or he will say, "yes", or "ya know." These are all ways to look to her for validation. One sure-fire sign of a BNB is that he looks for validation from women. Guys who seek women's approval tend to become miserable failures with women and tend to forever spin their wheels due to a lack of confidence.
Not Taking Enough Risks
By definition BNBs are BORING! They ask boring questions, they do predictable things, and they take very few actual risks with women. BNBs act like every other guy does and do nothing to stand out. The BNB is so amazed when a woman does actually reciprocate in a conversation that he becomes a submissive puppy dog.
The BNB tends to supplicate to a woman when he first meets her, rather than risk slowing down more, and demanding MORE from both her and him. The BNB settles for his own wimpy behavior to NOT push things harder and to not share his romantic and sexual side with women.
The confident seducer takes risks when interacting and talking to women. The confident seducer challenges women when talking. He moves his body in close to a woman when talking and risks upsetting her. The confident seducer takes conversational risks by bringing up controversial subjects and pushing both touch and humor to the line. The confident seducer also pushes himself to do things that are uncomfortable to both challenge his own sense of fear and to get outside of his own comfort zone.
In closing, you can start TODAY to attack these problems and to actively go out and work on yourself as a seducer. You do this by being out in the field, interacting with women, and putting in the corrections to never again be just another BNB. If you work on the skills put forth today, you will greatly improve your life as a seducer, feel a greater sense of confidence, have more fun with women, and find yourself succeeding at greater levels than you have before.
Good Luck from baLooT Inc
