Having the Right Self-Image

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In order to be successful in dating, it is critical that you develop a positive and healthy self-image of yourself.

If you don't have a positive self-image, you will never reach your potential in dating. Something will always be holding you back and keeping you from your best. What a shame it is to let your own poor self-image hold you back.

Your self-image is a confidence issue. If you don't think highly enough of yourself, you will not have the confidence you need to approach women. Confidence is the key and extremely important.

When you walk up to a woman, you need to know that you are a good looking guy. You need to know that you have a lot to offer and any woman would be lucky to have a great guy like you.

You need to know that you are a catch. You are not the average person. You are a step above that. You have your stuff together and in line. You take care of yourself and have a good body.

So when you walk up to a woman, there is no fear of rejection. There is no worry. And even if she does turn you down, it's no big deal.


Other people might get a little bit down. Other people may be shaken, but not you. That's because you have an unshakable confidence. You have that strong self-image. You know that it's her loss that she turned you down. You'll just move on to the next woman.

We will never rise above the image we have of ourselves. So rise up today and become the person you are meant to be. Make some necessary changes and adjustments so you can have the right self-image on the inside. Your confidence and self-image ultimately comes from within.

I know a lot of guys that women find attractive, but they still don't have the right self-image on the inside and aren't successful with women.

On the other hand, I know a lot of guys that women don't find quite as attractive, but they are very successful in dating because of their confidence and healthy self-image.

Remember, that in order to do well in dating, you must have a strong self-image of yourself. Once you get that down, you're on the right track and soon enough will be well on your way to being successful with women.

Mark Cockerell

- baLooT Inc 2007 -

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Understanding Body Language

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(Part 4)

Brief Body Language Alphabet


Body Language of the Head

Eyes

Direct eye contact occurring 60% of the time indicates that the prospect is very interested in what you have to say.

Eye contact occurring 80% of the time tells that the prospect is interested in you sexually.

100% eye contact indicates aggression. Be forewarned of resistance.

Frequent avoidance of eye contact reveals that a prospect may be hiding something. It may also reveal subordination and lack of confidence.

Dilated pupils indicate great interest, either in what you said or in you.


Lock eye contact with a woman's gaze. If she drops it instantly and gazes downward to the left or to the right, it indicates that she is interested in you. If, on the other hand, she merely glances to the left or the right (without first dropping her eyes) in order to avoid your gaze, she simply finds you uninteresting.

Rapid blinking is a warning sign. If it forewarns that your prospect may provide resistance to what you have just said.

The Head

When your prospect's head is tilted towards you, it indicates his interest.

When his head is tilted away at an angle, such that he glances from the corner of his eye, he sends signals of suspicion, mistrust and disbelief. Be forewarned; he doesn't find your idea appealing.

The head, supported on the hand indicates boredom.

Nodding indicates interest and agreement. It is a good sign.

Someone who keeps looking around says "let me go."

Body Language of the Hands

The hand holds telling stories...

When a prospect's hands are open and palms up, he conveys truthfulness and openness.

When a prospect speaks with his hands tucked in the pocket he betrays that something might be hidden. Hidden palms indicate something held back.

Clenched hands indicate tension, discomfort or anger.

The hand, when placed to cover the mouth or the nose or to tug at the ear, reports that a lie may be concealed.

A limp handshake palm up betrays submission. A firm handshake palm down conveys strength and confidence.

A hand gripping the other hand, wrist or elbow attests a desire to quell rising anxiety. Change your tact or risk killing the conversation!

A hand behind the head betrays a need to fend anxiety, danger or discomfort.

Steeped hands bear power and proclaims confidence and business. The hand stroking the chin indicates ongoing evaluation of something just said.

The hands flat on the table indicate readiness to agree.

The hands clenched behind the back project a desire to show control and power.

The foot, when tapping, says "Let me speak" or "I am bored."

Hands on the hips show a defiant, commanding demeanor.

Body Language of the Arms

The arms can communicate aggression. When crossed across the chest, it signifies resistance to the conversation or to the speaker.

Body Language of the Torso

When the prospect leans towards you he sends signals of interest. By leaning away, he announces disinterest or resistance.

A prospect sucking in his belly betrays signals of sexual interest.

Body Language of the Legs

When a prospect 's feet points at you it indicates that he is interested in what you are saying. When the feet are pointed away, he may want to extricate your presence.

A prospect's crossed legs, when standing, betray a feeling of isolation.

While sitting, a prospect's crossed legs report that your idea may not be accepted easily.

A prospect signals that she may like you when she sits with her legs tucked under her haunches.

An insistent tapping foot says "Let me speak" or "I am bored", "What's next"

Tone of Voice and Voice Patterns

Sentences that are slowly paced, even, and terminated with downward inflected tones convey the image of control and power. Authoritative people audibly and punctuate sentences with a period. To convey even more power, they speak at a pace much slower than normal.

In contrast, a tone that increases in speed and rises in pitch indicates escalating nervousness and perhaps that something is hidden. Avoid this at all costs. It betrays a weak position and that someone is lying.

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Understanding Body Language

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(Part 3)

How to “Listen” with the Eyes

The cardinal rule when reading the body is to look out for a coherent cluster of any of the following:

- Facial expressions

- Gestures, body movements

- Tone of voice/ pace of voice

Taken by themselves, individual expressions or gestures mean nothing. But a group of them, occurring simultaneously, can positively identify significant emotions. Take its analogy in verbal communications where a word conveys nothing; a sentence says something.

In non-verbal communications, a cluster of gestures and expressions which all betray a single disposition strongly indicate the current mood or mindset of your prospect. Before concluding that someone experiences a certain emotion, check the whole range of gestures, expressions and tones of voice. Ensure that the facial expressions, gesture and voice tone all reveal the same message and do not give conflicting signals. Once you discern your prospect’s disposition, you will know exactly how to modify your approach.

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Understanding Body Language

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(Part 2)

Three Powerful Benefits You Gain From
Body Language Mastery

You quickly identify the hidden emotions of others. Negotiations
become easier when you instantaneously identify areas of
discussion that causes discomfort. Normally, emotions are kept in
check. Disagreement, for instance, can be manifested externally by
continuous rejection of an idea. Body language pinpoints right away
the topic provoking uneasiness and causing the rejection of valid
ideas. Once identified, the area of concern can be subjected to
compromise.

You armor yourself with a perfectly tailored image. By knowing
which body language adds or detracts from your desired image, you
create the perfect "you" in the eyes of others.


You can create an environment of instant rapport between yourself
and your prospects by adopting bodily postures that subtly conveys
openness, trustworthiness, confidence and credibility.

Grasping the fundamentals and the benefits now empowers you
to start using the potent force of body language.

- baLooT Inc 2007 -

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Understanding Body Language

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(Part 1)

Body Language vs. Verbal Language

Are you frustrated by lies - white or otherwise? Deliberately misrepresented information, concealed emotions, and hidden motives wreck havoc on daily conversations as well as on critical business negotiations.

Most individuals cannot detect poisoned facts smothered with silken words and laced with an impressive vocal tone. Well-placed words hide duplicity so well that even average individuals get away with it.

Concealing fabrications with words is easy. No doubt, even a child can do it. For the layman, trying to detect lies by analyzing the words that carry them is futile. Judging the validity of a statement based on the sentence structure cannot yield much unless one wields background knowledge of the topic in question.

But while verbal language can hide the truth, body language cannot. Note how our speech is peppered with colorful speech like


- Recoil in anger
- Grit his teeth
- Freeze with terror
- Tremble with rage
- Shudder with fear.

The body conveys how a person feels. Someone doesn't say "I'm shaking in fear". His body does this automatically to convey that he is indeed afraid. The body reveals more than such obvious emotions, however. It does much more.

Body language. It is the final barometer of the truth. It bares and reveals innermost thoughts. Anyone can tell a tall tale in a flat tone and appear credible. The tongue is so glib it can make the most outrageous appear factual.

The body is not as endowed in trickery, however. Your tongue may say one thing, and your body may say the exact opposite. It very rarely lies. Studying the body can identify whether an individual believes in what he utters. It also reveals how he may feel at the moment. In fact, it lays before you an entire range of emotions unconveyed by his faculty of speech.

But understanding body language does more than help identify the current mental state of others. Expert knowledge of this nonverbal form of communication empowers you to project any image desired. This is where its study becomes so invaluable. Body language helps set the
appropriate environment to persuasion.

A master uses body language to subliminally influence his prospects. He creates irresistible messages that subconsciously persuade and control. Through special gestures, he communicates in a very subtle, yet forceful way. By combining verbal persuasion with subtle non-verbal persuasion, compliance becomes all too easy to obtain.

Body language can identify you as calm, confident, and credible. Just as easily, it can reveal you to be shaky, unstable and questionable. The objective is to use body language that identifies you as cooperative, likeable, charming and authoritative.

Related Articles:

+ Understanding Body Language (Part 2)
+ Understanding Body Language (Part 3)
+ Understanding Body Language (Part 4)

- baLooT Inc 2007 -

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How to Tell If She's Interested

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by David DeAngelo

OK, I have a quick trick question for you.

That's right, I said a quick TRICK question.

How can you tell if a woman is interested in you?

Answer quickly.

So what gives?

Why am I asking you a trick question?

Simple.

Because I'm trying to make you THINK.


I'm sure that, just like me, you've read a hundred dating tips and articles that say things like:

"If she tilts her head to one side and strokes her neck, that's a sign of interest..."

"If she licks her lips in a longing fashion, that means she's interested in you..."

"If she laughs a lot, makes positive eye contact, and touches you often, then she likes you..."

DUH!

I remember when I first read all this stuff.

I thought to myself "Wow, cool! I must have been missing these hints because I didn't know to look for them. Now I'll know when a woman is interested in me..."

Well, there was one small problem...

The problem is that women display these MAJOR INTEREST signals in about 1 of 1,000 interactions with men...

And there was one big problem...

That problem was that none of the damn dating tips I read said a single thing about how to MAKE women give you these signals.

In other words, what I realized is that average guys like me who don't get "approached" by women need to learn not only what to look for, but, more importantly, how to actually CREATE ATTRACTION in women so they gave me these signals in the first place.

So let me share with you some dating tips on how to make women feel attraction for you... and then I'll share some ideas on what to look for to tell if a woman is interested.

And my ideas will be a WEEEEEE BIT different than the ones you read in your flirting books.

OK, so you're out at a bar with a few friends, and it's time to meet some interesting women.

You look around, and none of the hot young babes in there seem to be tilting their heads to one side, looking you in the eye, and licking their lips... so you decide to DO SOMETHING.

What do most guys do in this situation?

Either:

1) Nothing, because they're scared, or...

2) Something typical, like ask a girl to dance, or if he can buy her a drink.

If you're guilty of doing these, raise your hand.

Then take your raised hand, and slap yourself silly. Not too hard. But silly.

Here's a thought for you...

If you put 100 guys in a bar with one beautiful women sitting alone, and you say to all 100 of the guys "Hey guys, which one of you can walk over to that woman and do something to make that woman feel a SEXUAL ATTRACTION for you?"... I'd say that
if you're lucky, one of them will claim that he can do it.

In other words, for most guys, the idea of walking up to a girl they don't know and doing something that will TRIGGER an attraction is completely outside of their universe.

This is one of the reasons why guys do things like asking girls to dance, buying them drinks, etc.

Now, something you must understand when it comes to women and attraction is that women don't feel attraction for WUSSIES.

Attraction isn't a choice.

It isn't logical (at least, on the surface).

But once you start to "get it", everything changes. Your entire perspective changes once you "get it", and your results change instantly as well.

So here's a dating tip for you to try:

MESS WITH WOMEN.

That's right "mess with" them.

Tease.

Bust on.

Be difficult.

Why?

Because it INSTANTLY communicates that:

1) You could care less what she thinks of you.

2) You're a fun person.

3) You're unpredictable.

4) You're a bit of a "wild card."

5) You get it.

Now, you might be shaking your head right now and saying "That's doesn't make any sense. Why would a woman feel attracted to me if I mess with her instead of being nice?".

That's a good question.

But for now, take the hand that you slapped yourself with earlier, and slap yourself again.

Good.

I want you to STOP following your "be nice and kiss ass" instincts when you first meet a woman, and instead practice messing with her.

Make fun of something.

Go to hand her something, then pull it away at the last second.

Shake your head in despair and tell her that she's screwing up her chances with you.

Say something Cocky & Funny, then turn around and walk away before she can respond to your face.

Can ya feel me, dog?

Now the good stuff...


HOW TO TELL IF SHE'S INTERESTED

Well this is what you were looking for, so here it is...

I'm going to give you a stupid-proof formula for knowing whether or not a woman is interested in you.

Here it is:

1) You engage her.

2) She engages you back.

Yes, that's it. Please stop the applause long enough that I can finish. You can clap later.

I know that this sounds a little "Duh-ish", but stay with me here.

If I walk into a restaurant, and the hostess asks me how many are in my party, and I answer with "Well, there are three of us. I guess there will be four if YOU join us..." and she laughs at my joke, then IT'S ON!

If I'm standing at the bar, and the woman next to me bumps into my arm, and I turn and say "Hey, watch it, OK? Keep some space here, I need at least a foot of room..." in a serious tone of voice... and she starts playing along by smiling and moving away from me then back again playfully, then IT'S ON!

If I'm talking to a woman that I met at the magazine rack, and I ask her "What's with that huge purse of yours? You got a dog in there or something?" and she starts laughing and making excuses, then IT'S ON!

In a nutshell, what I'm trying to say is:

1) Stop looking around for signals from women that they're "interested" in you.

2) Stop CARING whether or not a particular woman is interested in you.

3) Instead, start triggering the interest, and watching to see if women engage. If they do, then assume that IT'S ON!

As long as you use how she's responding to what you do as your gauge, then you'll have a much easier time spotting the "she wants me" clues...

...Because you are the one causing them.

Don Juan Center

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It Works Like a Charm

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by Belgian "Leoncino" Mike

For years, I used to go to clubs and use the traditional techniques for approaching girls.

But as we all know, unless you know the girl through a common friend, it can be very difficult to engage in conversation with a total stranger. Not only because of the approach, but also because you are usually interrupting something they are doing (dancing/talking with her friends, etc.).

One night, as I was chilling by the bar enjoying my drink, I saw this pretty girl walk by. Out of pure laziness and an urge of nonchalance, rather than approaching her myself, I pointed at her with my index finger and signed her to come over. To my surprise, she did!

We were able to do small talk and she never seemed annoyed or distracted. Since then, I have repeated this technique many times over, and with great success.

Here are the reasons why this works so well:

1) Your telling them to come over and talk to you shows a LOT of confidence.

2) By doing this, you are usually not interrupting her dancing or conversation (or at a minimum, she decided to interrupt it herself).

3) You have her there alone... no annoying friends. Or if her friends come, typically only the girls will, leaving the guys behind.

4) You are the "host", she is the "guest." So if she loses interest, she will have to walk away... you just keep chilling there and wait for the next one to come by.

So next time you go to a bar/club, find yourself a relatively open spot with average foot traffic, plant yourself there with a drink, and start waiving them over. It works like a charm.

They always accept the invitation, and even if they aren't interested, they will have to politely excuse themselves rather than giving you an attitude until you back off.

Happy fishing!

Don Juan Center

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Yet More Confidence and Power With Women

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George S. Patton Jr., the hell-for-leather General of World War II fame was once asked what he thought of his rival, the British Field Marshall Montgomery. Patton replied, "He's the best General the British have. But he's more interested in not losing than he is in winning.


Unfortunately for many men, that's their attitude toward women. They walk on egg-shells, cautious as can be, hoping against hope that they don't make a mistake.

If you want to have DYNAMIC power with women, begin to focus on what you want, and what you are going to do, not on what you might lose or what's going to happen to you if you don't win. Of course, give the risks a glance. But don't focus on them.

Focus on what you desire. What will it be like when you're with that woman you want? What will you see? What will you hear? What will you feel in your body?

These are the kinds of questions that will get you excited about and aimed at winning, instead of cringing at losing. Even if you know you have some competition you'll be able to give it your best shot, because your major focus will be on your outcome.

In short:

GLANCE AT WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE TO LOSE,
BUT FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT TO WIN.

Copyright baLooT Inc 2007.

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Still More Confidence and Power With Women !

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Here is a magic word that will bring you loads of success with women, and get you laid like crazy. It works with all women, but the more beautiful the woman, the better it works. The word is:

NO!

That's right. No! The same word that will keep a puppy from wetting the carpet will also keep a woman from shitting on you!

You must say no to a woman once in a while, when it is over an issue of importance, and when you mean it.

No matter how gorgeous, or great in the sack or how otherwise wonderful she may be (and who else but such a goddess could possibly begin to deserve to be in YOUR company?) you must be willing to walk away from her if you can't deal with her from a position of self-respect.


And self-respect, my friend, is mostly a matter of what you say no to. It's a boundary set by what is not permitted, tolerated or allowed. And while it may be negative from this semantic sense, in reality it is the most power and positive force you have going for you. When a woman senses it in you, she knows she's found something she's instinctively wanted since she realized she's female:

A MAN SHE COULD NEVER HOPE TO CONTROL.

I know this isn't easy. It hurts, really hurts to have to walk away from someone you really dig because she isn't treating you right. But love can often be like a street fight, and remember the street fighter's number one rule: Ignore the pain and carry out your offensive with everything you've got. If you can pull this off, you will walk with a confidence and power that women of all ages will be able to sense. And more importantly, you'll like the guy who lives inside your skin.

Copyright baLooT Inc 2007.

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Believe It or Not, How To Have Even More Confidence With Women.

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From Seduction For Dummies

A great deal of success and power with women has nothing to do with how you act and feel about them, but a lot to do with how you act and feel about yourself. What we're really talking about here is SELF-RESPECT.


Plenty of men who wouldn't take a bit of crap from another guy turn into down right spineless wimps when it comes to women. Whether they are reliving old dramas with a mommy they couldn't please as children, or are scared for some other reason, they put the woman first.

Other guys have a slightly different problem. They may not take any crap from a woman, but getting laid is SO damn important to them that they lose sight of other priorities. In a sense in loses all the fun aspects, and gets to be a compulsion.

Guys like this may win the battles, but they are definitely losing the war. Women may be nice additions to your life, and if you find the right one, you might even chose to make her part of the center of yours. But a life spent doing nothing but chasing women is a pretty stupid one.


If that is your problem, then pull yourself up short for a minute, and ask yourself if you might be missing some of the other pleasures life has to offer. You might be shocked to learn that a quiet evening at home with a good book can actually be more stimulating than a boring date with a huge breasted bimbo with a room temperature I.Q.

So here's a hint for increasing your confidence with women: STOP NEEDING THEM SO MUCH! And a good way to do that is going out and finding a hobby that you can really enjoy. Something that gets you AWAY from women.

Not only will this increase your confidence as you are on the prowl, it provides a great escape for when that special lady you are with puts a bit of stress and strain on your brain, as they so often will.

Personally, I prefer Big Mouth Bass Fishing. Most women hate even the thought of some icky, slimy fish flopping all over them, and wouldn't even consider asking to go along with you. And besides, I enjoy catching something with a big mouth, and being able to instantly throw it away if I feel like it. Women are not so easy.

Copyright baLooT Inc 2007.

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Bold Things Women Want In Bed

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When it comes to sex, do you imagine that your girl thinks that doggy style is as bold as it gets? Well, if that's true, then you have a whole lot to learn about your girl. Most women, especially in this day and age, are very in touch with their bodies and their carnal desires.

rough love

The thing is, if you plan to spend most of your life in monogamous relationships, you are going to have to try your hand, and other parts of your body, at new things. You gotta keep it interesting. The problem is, women are the ones who usually garner the sexual control in a relationship, so it's up to you to get her to open up so that you and she can realize her sexual desires.


That said, check out some things that your girl might want to do in bed but may not bring up for fear that you will judge or think less of her. If you're confident in your relationship and her loyalty, then getting it on in the following ways should be a welcome treat.

1- Having aggressive sex

Whereas S&M might be pushing it, I have yet to meet a woman who doesn't like being ravaged by a lover. Why? It's all about psychology; if you ravage a woman, she can believe that you were in control and she was the damsel in distress.

The next time you and your girl are about to have sex:

Turn her around, hold her wrists behind her back with one hand, and wrap your other hand around her hair, lightly pulling it. Penetrate her, doggy style. If she moans with delight, then she's into it. After a few minutes, turn her around, place a hand over her neck and penetrate her frantically in the missionary position until you come to fruition.

On to three more things she wants to do...

2- Dominating you

Many women are more comfortable having sex in the dark. It may be due to insecurity regarding their bodies, but it's also because in the dark, she can be someone else. She can adopt a different personality, one that's completely confident and in control.

Even if you put on a simple blindfold, her sexual methods will change. She will adopt a more dominant stance, she'll ride you better, she'll make more noise, she might even start talking dirty.

The next time you and your girl are about to have sex: Blindfold her and do things to her that you wouldn't usually do. For example, if you rarely penetrate her missionary style, then kiss her and go at it. Then, take the blindfold off her eyes and place them over your own. As well, turn off all the lights. See what happens.

3- Kissing another woman

While the fantasy would dictate that we'd love to sleep with another woman, most women I've spoken with revealed that they would go so far as to kiss and caress a woman, but not go down on her. As well, you likely would not be able to get it on with said other woman.

There's something seemingly harmless about getting it on with another woman that makes it appealing, and of course, knowing that you'd probably enjoy seeing her kiss another woman makes it all the more so.

The next time you and your girl are about to have sex: Ask her if she's ever fantasized about another woman. If so, ask her to describe the scene and what goes on between her and her vulvatic counterpart. Who knows, maybe by letting her know that it turns you on, you'll end up getting a real visual.

4- Using a vibrator

Women enjoy different sensations, as do you, I'm sure. However, neither a penis nor a mouth can measure up to the sensation of quick vibrations against the clitoris.

Rubbing a vibrator against her vagina while you penetrate her will drive her crazy, no doubt. And many women want to feel the sensation of a vibrator without the underlying fear that their man is taking offense to it. There's never a need to compare yourself to a sex toy because nothing equates to the feeling of a man.

The next time you and your girl are about to have sex: Pull out a simple vibrator -- one with no bells and whistles -- and spread her legs apart. Rub the vibrator against her clitoris and watch her squirm with delight.

the nastier, the better

It's up to you and your girl to make your sex life as great as it can be. That said, let her know that it's okay if she wants to try things that are out of the ordinary and that she can feel safe doing so.

Remember; most women want to be bold and crazy in bed, and if they know for sure that you won't judge them if they become more daring, you may just end up with a few wild ones on your hands.

- baLooT Inc 2007 -

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Making Her Salivate for You

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Ivan Pavlov was a physiologist who stumbled upon one of the most
important principles in all of psychology.

Pavlov discovered that he could teach dogs to salivate at the sound
of a tone if he repeatedly paired the tone with the presentation of
food. The dogs learned that the tone was a good predictor for food
(which they liked and which naturally elicited a salivary response).
Thus, by repeatedly pairing the tone and the food, the dogs learned
to salivate to the sound of the tone... regardless of whether or
not food was present.

This is known as classical conditioning and it's quite a common
phenomenon which influences most every aspect of our lives...
especially our love lives.


You see, EMOTIONS are particularly susceptible to classical
conditioning. Emotions are very often "elicited" by certain
circumstances as a result of past learning experiences (that is,
previous pairings or associations).

An obvious example is the emotion of fear. People often learn to
fear things because of previous unpleasant associations. For
example, a person may come to fear dentists (or perhaps the sound of
a drill) because of past painful dental procedures.

A woman who has been attacked may develop a fear of strangers or a
fear of men. Or maybe it's the garage or neighborhood in which she
was attacked that come to elicit feelings of fear and anxiety. It's
a simple pairing of a particular situation (or person) with an
emotion which causes similar situations (or persons) to elicit
similar emotions in the future.

On the positive side, think about an old girlfriend of yours that
you adored. (Everybody has at least one that they blew it with.)
You were crazy about this girl and would have done anything for her.
As a result you may have done a few things you didn't really care
too much for.

Maybe she was really into Italian food but you weren't. Frequently
you wound up in Italian restaurants in order to keep her happy. As
a result of the pairing of Italian food with this adorable lady, you
NOW love Italian food. Or maybe it's a particular Italian
restaurant that you two frequented that you NOW love.

Perhaps she used to love hiking so now you do. Or she was crazy
about cats and now you have several. Or maybe it was a particular
movie that the two of you saw together that still makes you feel
queasy. Or a particular song (your song) that brings back a flood
of vivid memories and intense emotions. Whatever it is, your
feelings for her were transferred to various other objects,
situations, or people as a result of being paired with her.

It's really fascinating to observe this pairing of situations and
emotions. Try to pay attention to the "classical conditioning"
happening around you as you go about your daily routine. It occurs
ALL THE TIME. And it's really quite interesting.

Now that we grasp the basics of classical conditioning, the question
becomes, "How can we use classical conditioning to help us in our
relationships with women?"

We could probably write an entire book on classical conditioning and
how it influences our love lives, our relationships, and our
emotions. But I'm just going to point out one or two things to you
right now and leave you to discover some of the other *secrets*
yourself.

Let's assume that the object of your affection (your girlfriend, or
maybe a beauty you're attracted to) is always in either a good mood,
neutral mood, or bad mood. That is, she's either experiencing good
emotions, neutral emotions, or bad emotions.

Our goal is simply to associate ourselves with her good emotions and
dissociate ourselves from her bad emotions. In this way, we can
MAKE OURSELVES into a type of infectious, charismatic individual who
elicits positive emotions and positive feelings... simply by
showing up.

And that's what you want, isn't it? You want her to be excited and
happy and feel good when you come around. You want her to look
forward to seeing you because she knows that she's going to feel
great. Isn't that how your lady (or the lady you desire) makes you
feel - happy, excited, positive?

And you definitely don't want your presence to elicit feelings of
depression, anger, or anxiety.

It's pretty simple -- the major point here to remember is that you
want to be around her when she's in a good mood and avoid her, like
the plague, when she's in a bad mood.

Nothing earth-shaking here. Yet it's amazing how guys can screw
this up. Sometimes putting themselves through a great deal of extra
effort in order to do so.

If the beauty at your office is in a bad mood (she's got a plumbing
problem), then you should spend as little time with her as possible
that day. If that cute little blond in your history class is
feeling exhausted (up all night studying), then this is not a good
time to ask her to lunch. If your girlfriend has a mean case of
PMS, stay away from her until she's in a more agreeable mood.

By avoiding her when she's feeling bad, you're not pairing yourself
with her negative emotional states... and conditioning yourself to
be a "negative emotion generator."

Now if she's in a good or great mood, then you should maximize your
time together. This should be obvious. And my guess is that you
probably WANT to be around her when she's feeling good anyway. So
do it.

And even if you can't spend that much time with her when she's
feeling good, then you'd like to at least get her thinking about
you. Call her on the phone. Send her a quick email. Accidentally
bump into her in the break room. Tell her a joke - jokes tend to
linger in the mind. Whatever. Use your imagination.

(As far as neutral moods go, you goal is to change those into happy,
exciting moods and associate yourself with these moods... but
that's a subject to be covered in the future.)

However, as mentioned, many guys screw this up.

If their girlfriend (or potential girlfriend) is in a bad mood, they
may try to make her feel better. They drop by her place with food
and ice cream - to cheer her up. They insist on taking her out to
lunch or dinner - brighten her day a little. They try to make her
laugh. They do her favors. They spend hours on the phone
sympathizing with her. They hang and hang and hang around. They do
everything BUT what they should do... stay away. Dissociate.

Now this budding Don Juan usually THINKS that his girlfriend (or
potential love object) being down or in a bad mood is an opportunity
for him to make a few points. That by doing his best to make her
feel better that she's, of course, going to realize what a great guy
he is... and maybe fall for him.

It's possible. Anything's possible. But I wouldn't bet on it. All
you're really doing is exerting extra effort to pair yourself with
her negative emotional states. Yes, you might make her feel a
little better, but you're most likely doing more damage to your
"charisma" than good.

Keep things simple. Just stay away.

And if you're a sensitive guy who feels bad because she feels bad...
well, remember that people often LIKE to feel down sometimes.
People often LIKE getting upset and venting. Somehow it helps them
to keep their lives in balance. Give her the freedom to feel bad if
she wants.

On the other hand, if she's been emotionally DEVASTATED that's a
different situation.

Maybe her best friend died. Maybe her new car got totaled. Maybe
her cat was run over. Whatever - it varies from girl to girl. If
she's your girlfriend (or significant other), she's going to EXPECT
you to be there for her emotionally. She's going to want to lean on
you and draw strength from you. She's going to want to emotionally
vent to you. And if you're not there for her, she's going to "hate"
you for it.

However, if she's been devastated and she's NOT your girlfriend
(just someone that you'd like to be), then it's probably best to
stay away until she's feeling better.

As mentioned, classical conditioning is happening constantly and I
can't possibly go into all of the related scenarios, but I'll
briefly mention one other instance... that of "good" and "bad"
news.

Yes, delivering bad news does rub off on to the person unfortunate
enough to deliver it. It's one of the most potent cases of
classical conditioning. She's feeling good. You arrive and deliver
the bad news. She's now feeling bad. Not exactly what you should
aspire to.

Never deliver bad news to a girl you're attracted to. Get someone
else to do it. Bribe someone if you have to. Just make sure you're
someplace else.

Now as far as delivering good news... Ooooh Yeeaah!!

Copyright baLooT Inc 2007.

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Don't Ask

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Whenever you are making a move or advancing the relationship, DON'T ASK!

You need to be assertive and stay in control. For every question
you could ask, you can be assertive and use a statement instead.

Examples:

"What's your home phone number?"

...should be

"Let's exchange numbers so we can go get that cup of coffee."

(If you prefer not to "exchange" numbers, then tell her to give it
to you.)


"Can you go out this weekend?"

and

"Do you want to go ice skating?"

...should be


"Hey, let's go ice skating this Thursday or Friday."


In short, every "can you" and "do you want to" and "I was wondering
if you" needs to be abolished from your vocabulary! Make statements
- don't ask questions.

What is the point of this tip?

It's so you can get used to being assertive. Simple changes in
words have a powerful effect -- and not only does it affect those
you speak to, but it helps you understand where the control lies.
It lies with you.

And you'll get turned down a lot less. Guaranteed!

Copyright baLooT Inc 2007.

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6 Ways To A Smoother Relationship

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Here are 5 tips to make your relationship smoother.

1) Watch Body Language

Learn to know your girlfriend's mood and state by watching her body language. For example, can you tell she's uncomfortable at a party by the way she sits or stands? Can you tell if she's nervous or not?

2) Listen

A big problem some couples have is that they stop listening to each other once the initial excitement of a relationship is gone. If you can't spare some time each day to listen to someone you love, even if it's just 30 minutes, maybe you don't need a girlfriend after all.

3) Be Patient

A complaint I receive from my readers all the time is that their girlfriends talk a long time to "get to the point." For example, your girlfriend may tell you about her entire day at work before making a point...and even then, her point may be something silly and not worth mentioning at all...

Solution?

Just listen!


4) Care About The Details

A good way to show affection is by showing concern for the finer "details" of life. Don't just ask her how her day was. Ask her about the specific things that are going in her life.

5) Don't Jump In With Solutions

When your girlfriend is upset or sad, don't jump in with solutions. Chances are, she's just blowing up steam. Generally, men want solutions when they vent; women want a shoulder to cry on and a hug.

6) Keep Flirting

And of course...don't forget to keep flirting with your girlfriend and acting like a challenge to keep the attraction high. Because once the attraction is dead, the relationship is going to go downhill.


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10 Tips For Succeding In Dating

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Tips By: Ispas Marin

Generally the most important step when dating someone is the anticipation moment which refers to your own decisions and also the prepairing for dating someone. And as the most important aspects are also the most difficult ones, people generally leave them aside or neglect them and this always proves to be harmful for a relationship. This is the exact purpose of this article: to make people understand the importance of this first prepairing for dating and to propose some ways to turn it into something unbelievable:

1) The right state of mind

Turning to optimism can have a decisive effect for meeting your soulmate.A self-assured person, a confident one generally attracts many persons as these are qualities saught by everybody.Shyness and pesimism give the impression of a troubled person who is not willing to meet someone not to mention dating that person. That is why you should always give the sensation of a person who is eager to live new experiences.


2) Beware of your priorities

You should always be sure of what you want: just dating or meet your soulmate?This awareness or clarity in your thoughts preserves an equilibrium between hope and fear. Decide what you most want from a long term relionship: look over the ones who are not to be changed and the ones which can be compromised.

3) Always preserve your values

Become aware of your values which cannot be changed by any means. If you will try to forget about them for the sake of the person you are dating, you wll encounter lots of problems as you can't escape your personality and thoughts for a relationship.Then see if the relationship can respect these values or not.

4) That's me, alright!

What is it that you want? What are your needs? What makes you happy?

what are your ideals and purposes in life?What are your strong and week points?What are your fears? You should always be very specific about your options and needs so that you can get help from the persons who love you.Being specific and showing exactly what you want can become like a magnet for possible'candidates' not only because of your tastes but also because of your preciseness.

5) Being a little selfish can be a wonderful thing!

Do what you want and what makes you happy.This means taking care of yourself and paying a lot of attention to your person. If you are happy you are prone to make the others happy too.

6) Don't say no to your friends!

Don't refuse help from your friends but first make sure that they are real friends, not the type who would stab you behind your back. You could recognize your true friends by their opinions which might not always be similar to your's but are intended to help you. Knowing thet you have reliable friends can help you a lot with your attitude.

7)The outside mirror technique

Others can become your outside mirror. You can see many reflection according to your state of mind and not only...You can become aware of your flaws and acknowledge your qualities.You can also observe if you are capable of making people laugh or happy and in this, you can find other qualities.Awareness enables choice.

8) Forget about the past!

Forget about your past and especially your past relationships as they can do harm to your present relationship. Sometimes memories should be forgotten as they can ensnare people.Nothing can be changed from your past so there is no time for regrets or 'what if's'.It is always beneficial to start over.

9) Everything is so fascinating about you!

It is natural that you always remember about the life you had before dating> Maybe this is what attracted the person you are dating: your relationship with your friends, your commitment and passions.Don't try to change or forgetabout your old habbits. They characterise you and what makes you fascinating.

10) So this is it!

It is claimed that relationships are what shapes our personality: all kind of relationships and experience as well.

These are basically the patterns by which we can gain a wonderfull relationship. I am sure that everybody knows them but they have to be highlined sometimes.It is the only recipe for success in a relationship. Be youself and know that!

- baLooT Inc 2007 -

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8 Deadly Dating Mistakes To Avoid!

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By Marie Claire

Are you dating or in a serious relationship? Did you realize that very often we make the same dating mistakes over and over again? As outlined in my book "the Ultimate Online Dating Handbook" sometimes these mistakes can lead to losing the date of our dreams, or possibly being in a bad relationship. I've compiled a list of dating No-nos which will help you identify a possible problem that you can work on to improve your dating experience.

#1 - Playing Games:


When it comes to dating we all have a fear of rejection. This is human nature. So playing it cool and not getting too involved with others makes us feel safe. Only problem with this is you may come off as being cold and aloof. For many people this is a real turn off. And you may find the date of your dreams slipping away. The best way to find a loving relationship is to be real. People will be far more receptive to you if they believe you are genuine.
An other game people play is the "manipulation" game. Doing things like telling someone you "love them" or you'll "call them" just to have them sleep with you. Then once the deed is done they never hear from you again. This is one of the most cruel forms of manipulation and it must be considered unacceptable in the dating world.

Understand that it is O.K. to be a bit cautious. But you still must be brave and show the real you. Only then will you be able to have a trusting, loving relationship with the date of your dreams.

#2 - Moving to Fast:

Ladies this one is for you. We all fantasize about our future and the man of our dreams. Again, this is only human. But, do you find yourself testing out his last name with yours and you haven't even gone out on a third date yet? Well, if you do it's time to remind yourself to Slow Down. Here's why. Normally for the first 3-8 months of a relationship we are running on euphoria. You know that "head over heels" or that "swept off your feet" kind of feeling that comes with falling in love? Well, there's an actual reason why this occurres. It's from a chemical in our body called oxytocin. Basically, this chemical takes over our brain and it interferes with our ability to think clearly. So, until you've had time to get to know a person, and spend time with him to see what he is really like, it's best not to get to far ahead of yourself. If your expectations become to high you may find yourself heading down the path of heartache, and losing the date of your dreams.

Slow Down!

#3 - Are you always talking about your ex?

Carrying old baggage into a new relationship can be disastrous. Sure we've all had previous relationships, and yes your new love will find out about them. But, if you are constantly complaining about your ex, or always comparing your current love to your ex, it will get real old, real fast.
Instead, take some time to get to know this person. Give yourself the opportunity for a new start. Try to work out any old problems before you start up a new relationship. This way you won't allow the old baggage to cloud your judgment and affect your actions with your new love. Always talking about your ex may have you losing the date of your dreams.

#4 - Red Flags:

What are Red Flags? Well, here are some, but there are plenty more.

- Someone you were scheduled to meet doesn't show up and has no reasonable explanation as to why.

- Someone your involved with will not give you their home phone number.

- He/she will not introduce you to family or friends.

- He/she won't go out in public with you.

- Being cruel to a pet.

- Being disrespectful to a parent.

Yes, all of these are Red Flags. And, Red Flags should not be ignored.
While you should not jump to conclusions about anyone unless you have sufficient evidence that something maybe wrong. If you do feel there is a problem you will need to confront this person and ask for an explanation. If you do not get an acceptable explanation and the situation continues to occur then you need to move on. You do not want to waste your valuable time on a relationship that is doomed to fail.

#5 - Thinking Obsessively:

Are you a worrier? If so, don't let it ruin your relationship with the date of your dreams. Many people will worry over a relationship, even before it has a chance to really get going. You'll worry over what he/she said, or what your response was to something said. You'll worry over whether the relationship is moving to fast or to slow. Or whether the relationship is working at all. And, what will your friends think, your family think and so on. You need to understand that this sort of obsessive behavior is a real relationship killer. Try to build some self-confidence and trust that the relationship will work. And at a pace which is perfect for the both of you.

#6 - The Interrogation:

Do you want to know every detail of someone's life, and try to get it out of him/her on the first date? Well, you can't, not on the first or even the second date. If you come off as "The Interrogator" your new dream date will soon become tired of answering all your questions and move on to someone else. How many kids do you want to have? is not a good opening line on a first date. Just relax, let things happen naturally through simple conversation. Soon you'll know all there is to know about you new friend. So relax and just have some fun with you new date.

#7 - What about your needs?

Do you want kids, but, he/she does not? Did you tell him/her you want kids or are you just going along with his/her idea of life? You must be able to directly communicate your needs. If you don't you will spend your time in a relationship without having your needs met. You need to know what your own needs are and what his/her needs are before starting a serious relationship. When talking about your needs be assertive. Not bossy, naggy or demanding. But, tactful and direct. And, if the two of you can not agree on meeting each other's needs, (what ever they maybe) then it is time to re-evaluate the relationship. In any relationship whether it be personal or business the needs of all parties involved must be met.

#8 - Sacrificing too much:

Do you find yourself doing things to show someone you care that you would never do other wise? Are you letting yourself be used as a "doormat"? Usually this sort of behavior is associated with low self-esteem. Please realize that in any healthy relationship both parties must be treated as equals. And both parties must have their needs met. If this sounds like you re-evaluate your relationship, and if your are not happy get out. There is someone out there who will love you for who you are, without you having to jump through hoops to prove it.

Good Luck!

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7 Habits Of Highly Successful Dating

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Tips By Bonnie Lee

1) Don’t look at other women

While dating, focus your attention on your date and make her feel as if she matters the most to you compared to other women. Let’s face it, women loved to be showered with attention and pampered by her man. If not for you, who else other than her immediate family members.

2) Make her feel like a queen

On the first date, buy her dinner to show you value her company. This will also reduce any tension between two people meeting for the first time. Make her feel special. Women find this absolutely irresistible. Build a bond of fun and excitement between you and be romantic. Subsequently you can buy her gifts when the relationship progresses but never ask or even hint sexual favors in return. Women get appalled and turned off by any suggestion of sex initially.


3) Be yourself

Don’t exaggerate or boast your credentials, successes, etc. Make the other party feel at home so that she does not feel pressured to impress or lie to you. Sincerity is the best policy. Nobody feels more comfortable around people who are genuine and sincere.

4) Don’t ever talk about your past relationships

Don't keep harping on them. This is a no-no and a sure turn-off. You will only project the impression that you are unable to let go and continue to give a present date a chance to get to know you better in a positive manner.

5) Treat your first date as if going for an “interview”

You want to impress and let the other person know your qualities and characteristics for a life partner. If you are not ready to be in a commitment, let her know straight away so that you do not mislead her into false hopes. But be cautious not to boast or exaggerate stuffs that are beyond you. Your deepest communication to women is carried out by your personal style and your level of confidence. Nobody feels more at ease than being with a confident man.

6) Don’t keep splurging and live like a millionaire unless you are one yourself

During the dating process, be careful how you handle money and spend within your own capacity. You don’t want a bank account of only 1 figure left after several dates. If you cannot afford it, go for somewhere cheaper or try less expensive alternatives. It is most undesirable if after several dates, you find that both of you are almost broke or worse, had to borrow to continue your lavish lifestyle. If your partner is in a habit of borrowing money from you, drop her or him immediately.

7) Be observant

While dating for a while, you can conclude if this person is suitable for you for life or not. During dating, keep both eyes wide open and look for tell tale signs like a persistent borrower, in debt, etc but after marriage, keep a close eye and forgive.

The best time to date is during high school or undergraduate years as you are young with no "life baggage" but you can also date if you are single again. Marriage is meant to last for better or for worse till death do us part. But enjoy dating while you can and live life to the fullest.


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