Here's an email we recently got:
My girlfriend just broke up with me.
We were together for about a year and a half.
But most of that time was spent long distance.
Even though I hate long distancerelationships, I told her that I would dowhatever it takes to keep us together. And I did all I could to keep the relationship going.
I did all the little things that youmentioned in your book because I wanted herto fall in love with me and have romantic feelings for me so we would stay together fora long time.
What I can't understand is that it seems likethe better I treated her, the worse shetreated me, until she finally just broke up with me.
She even said to me one day, "Why do youtreat me so well? All I do is treat you like garbage.
"My question is, why is that? And how can I get her back?
Answer:
Wait, you WANT her back? OK, that's up to you.
There's no "sure thing" to get her back, buthaving her know that you aren't desperate forher is a certain first step.
To this end you must date other women.
Will that get her back? Perhaps. If she's done with you, she's done with you. But if she's just sick of a guy who doesn't mind being treated without respect, and you showsome self-respect, she might come back.
Probably not at this point, but it could happen. Dating other women and having sexwith other women must be part of this program.
When you are nice to a woman who is not nice to you, she loses respect for you and subsequently treats you worse in the next interaction.
If you accept that, she treats you worse the next time.
Taking a lot of crap is not the same as beingloving. We are not saying to be mean to women, but you have to treat yourself with respect, and you can start re-building that self-respect now.
A lot of guys are confused on this point, solet's repeat it: being loving to a woman andgiving up your self-respect are not the same thing.
So many men are afraid that no woman willever want them, so they give up their self-respect, and become unwilling to takecare of their own feelings or even to walk away from abuse.
Well, get this through your head: letting a woman walk all over you doesn't get you thegirl. Not only is it painful, it doesn'twork. So stop doing it!
In any situation with a woman where you thinkyour self-respect may be being compromised,ask yourself,
"What would the man I'm committed to being doin this situation?"
Also ask,
"What would I do in this situation if therewas an abundance of sex in my life?"
Then take the risk of losing the girl andacting with self-respect.
As they say, "living well is the bestrevenge." When a woman sees you treatingyourself with respect, she'll be more likelyto respect you, too.
Thanks to Ron Louis and David Copeland
Anyone that has been a frequent reader of the tips in thisnewsletter has noticed some very common but important themes.
They stress the importance of exuding confidence, not coming on toostrong at first, and having patience by not rushing a relationship.They pretty much give you a script to follow in order to keep awoman's interest level in you high.
I'm a senior in college as a management major and one of the books Ihad to read this semester was "What They Don't Teach You at HarvardBusiness School" by Mark McCormack. One of his business tips is tofollow the script in making a sale:
"Most deals seem to have a secret life which follows a kind ofpreordained script. Anyone who has ever killed one by closing tooquickly or too late, by shortening or extending a sale beyond itsnatural life, would probably attest to this."
The same is true in dating. How many of us have missed out on apotential relationship just because we moved too quickly, rushedthings, or came on too strong too soon. Other people miss out on arelationship because they wait too long and don't capitalize on anopportunity.
Also, we shouldn't extend a relationship beyond its natural life.Sometimes there comes a time when you have to cut your losses and
hassle, and isn\'t worth the trouble, end it. The fear of beingalone keeps people in relationships that cause them constantheartache and pain, even though they know deep down inside that theyshould end it.
The author also goes on to say, "By rewriting the script, they giveit an unhappy ending." If you've made this mistake of trying tospeed things up and have lost a relationship, learn from it. Don'tlet it happen again.
So let me remind you again to follow the script. Don't come on toostrong or reveal your feelings too soon. Don't rush things. Showsome patience and discipline by following the script, and you won'tmiss out on a potential relationship.
Thanks to Mark from SoSuave
People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the mostbeautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is, Imean jellyfish with long, blond hair. - Jack Handey
Read More......
There are only two people I know that are what you would call "Natural DJs" -- both of whom are good friends. One of them is Andy, the other Liam and both of them are in there early 20s. I know one of them through uni, the other is a neighbor.
I would like to share with you some of my observations of these guys because I believe that some of their qualities are exceptional,especially when it comes to handling women and life.
Many of the qualities that I have described have been well documented in the past on this website, but I thought it would begood to present to you their most obvious character traits.
- They both have an aura about them when they speak to you. Attimes you think that you are the only person in the world whenhaving a conversation because they speak with so much enthusiasm andinterest.
- They listen to what you say enthusiastically and remember certain details.
- They never have a bad word to say about anybody and have a great understanding of others.
- On the other hand, you're not exactly sure where you sit with themat times. Though very friendly and energetic, you sometimes have toface their cold shoulder which may cause you to try and regain their attention.
- They're very popular people. These guys know a lot of people from many groups. When out they can have a conversation with anyone andare always introducing themselves to others. They do, however, haveclose friends who they stick with most of the time, but loveinviting others to join in their conversations.
- They're unpredictable when they speak to you. You know how some people when they talk to you, you know exactly what they're gonnasay? With these guys, they could come up and talk to you about politics or tell you a funny story about fishing. Each conversationis entertaining.
- They always have a story up their sleeves. They always have a goodstory to say about a certain subject and even though it may not havea punch line or be that funny, they present it with such enthusiasm that it is entertaining nonetheless.
- They are not afraid to be different in the clothes that they wearor their style of hair. Again they are unpredictable in this department and love doing something different to attract attention.They usually have just a subtle difference in style that makes themstand out.
- They walk in a very positive manner with their heads held high andwith a purpose.
- They are not caught up in the boundaries of society. In fact,they act as if they are unaware of society's rules and stereotypes.They talk to anyone and react to situations how they see it. Forexample, when they see a beautiful girl they don't think "oh thisisn't the right environment", but rather they don't think. It nevercrosses their mind. They just go talk to her.
- They aren't afraid of women. They treat all women the same,whether it be a 4 or a 10 and know that that they can have every oneof them. They talk to women about all sorts of topics as well andare never concerned about what the women will think.
- They are not necessarily good looking. One of these guys is quiteugly, in fact, but his positive vibe and good fashion sense make himquite accessible to any women.
- They love life and they love women and they love talking about women. They don't have anything against women at all, and have many female friends.
- When they talk, they talk loud. They don't care if they offend anyone when they speak and people notice this and are drawn to them.
- Finally, they are always happy and have a passion for life. Even when bad stuff happens they have a way of keeping things positive and always give off a good vibe.
Cheers!
- baLooT Inc 2007 -
I find that the key part of the game plan is to keep the conversation going. Once you have your approach down, once you have this beautiful creature lined up in your sites, what the hell do you talk about?
Well, as we have all read over and over again, the first and foremost subject that she would LOVE to talk about is, *drum roll* HERSELF! Of course.
So, sitting in bed watching a little tv the other night, I happened upon Jay Leno interviewing the ultimate babe, Pamela Anderson. So I'm thinking to myself, "My God! If I ran into Pam Anderson, I would have NO IDEA what to talk about!" Than Jay started to run his game.
I was so surprised to see how he handled it that I burst out laughing!
First, he made sure to make good use of her name. Using both Pam, and Pamela, and more than once. The whole conversation was based around Pamela.
Now being this is The Tonight Show, and everyone is watching to hear about the guest and not Jay, this is not a big surprise. The surprise was that Jay was DJing her! He kept asking short, open questions about her. She would try to shift the conversation to another topic (him usually) and he would bring it right back to her.
They hit an embarrassing moment when the crowd sent up questions for Pam and they were all about her implants. She tried to crack on Jay for putting her on the spot, and he completely IGNORED it and went right back to talking about her!
He touched her lightly on the arm and shoulder a few times, even from behind his desk! Is that's not kino I don't know what is!
Anyway, my point is, I was amazed that I could watch how Jay talked to her (or any other pretty guest I would suppose) and I could learn how to keep the small talk going and the conversation centered around HER!
So, if you want a quick easy way to watch a DJ at work, check out Jay when he has a hottie on.
P.S. Regis and Conan are also incredible flirts when they have beautiful women as guests.
thanks to JoshCole
A lot of times my friends notice me talking with beautiful women whenever we go out and they always ask me, what do you say to them, how do you spark a conversation?
Okay, it's very simple. I tell them stories. Who doesn't like stories, right? So I guess your wondering what kind of stories to tell them.
I prefer comical stories. With that in mind, you need to decide what story you want to tell. When I approach women, I like to tell them stories about how I got on the wrong bus last week, how I drank too much at this party in college and what happened, when I slipped on some ice and fell in public, etc. Just make sure that it's something funny and something they can relate to.
By the time I finish telling my story the lady is usually laughing so hard that she is crying. Nine times out of ten, they will follow-up with a story. But if they don't, I just ask them if that has ever happened to them before.
The goal is to tell them a story and then let them tell you a story (women have a lot of those). The next thing you know, twenty minutes just flew by and the both of you are enjoying each other's company.
What you have to realize is that women like something different. Most guys approach women with the intent of getting the girl's number and are very obvious about it. Now of course we want the number, but since DJs are more "seasoned" at this game, we do it in a tasteful, creative manner.
The best thing about this is that it's extremely easy and everyone has at least one funny story to tell.
by Kode Red. From SoSuave.
Nightclubs are one of the best places to meet women. Most of the women are there because they are single and available or are with someone who is.
To pick them up you need to follow a few simple steps:
1. After you enter the club begin to observe who is making eye contact with you. You will get eye contact if:
a. You are dressed a little above average.
b. You give off the aura of being a confident alpha male type.
2. If you notice a woman giving you lots of eye contact then half of your battle is won. Make sure you return the eye contact and add a smile acknowledging her interest. This is where most guys fall down and become wimps. You gotta convey that you are not afraid of her in the least bit.
3. After you have selected your target from the women who are interested in what you have displayed, i.e. proper dress, attitude, etc... Go over to her and say:
"Hello, what's your name?" (She answers.) You say, "My name is Mike. When a good song comes on I want you to dance with me, ok?" (She will 99% of the time answer ok.)
You have taken control away from her and placed it in your greedy little hands.
If you can't dance well then say to her: "Hello, how are you this evening?"
This simple statement will open the door to further conversation. This simple technique is almost impossible to mess up.
4. After you have asked her to dance tell her you will be back in a moment and leave her. Go anywhere, to the bar or circle the club where she can't see you.
5. When a song comes on that "you" like, go back to her and grab her hand and pull her to the dance floor. I never ask her to dance again, I just charge in like an alpha male and take her.
It has been my experience that women find this irresistible and will most likely follow a dominant male who knows what he wants and where he is going.
This will take you out of the possible friend category and put you into the mating category. Women are always looking for possible mates to bear their children. It's in their genetic make up. When a real man comes along they can't help but respond from their basic instincts.
6. You gotta know how to dance....
There is no excuse in today's society. It doesn't matter what nationality you are. Anyone can learn to move their bodies to the music and express themselves.
On the dance floor I will start with simple dancing with a small space between us. If she shows interest, I will move a little closer and put my hand on her shoulder. If I still get the go ahead, I will then start to control the way she moves and guide her into dirty dancing style.
By this time she is helpless and ready for whatever you want.
Copyright baLooT Inc. 2007
I speak from experience, that a crappy phone presence can either RUIN you, or make you seem so confident, mysterious, and fun that she can't WAIT to go out with you.
Here's what I've learned (and trust me, I've blown it many times and learned the hard way).
1) Nervous
I've learned how to handle this one. The trick is to WAIT until you are in a calm but goofy mood. This will be the exact right tone. Then I launch right into the cocky-goofy thing cause it flows right out.
"This is Sean... we met in the coffee bar and you gave me your number? Yeah, I just won the lottery and wondered if you were still single?" You get the idea.
2) Assertive
I've noticed that most people MUMBLE and STUMBLE all over themselves with garbage like: "What'cha been doing?" Nothing bores her more.
Instead, think of one or two RELEVANT questions to ask her according to her interests. "How's your backhand?" if she mentioned that she plays tennis.
3) Purpose
There is a REASON for this phone call, and it is to SEE her again. You are NOT some pathetic loser. You're a man, and you want to ask her out.
4) Busy?
I call this one the date killer. Surprisingly, most of us guys STILL use it. "Are you busy Friday night?"
This is insulting to her, and shows a lack of commitment on your part. Who wants to admit they have no plans for Friday? TELL her you found her interesting, and would like to get together Friday to do something related to the common interests you guys have discovered.
5) Event
If possible, make the date for something MEMORABLY EXCITING. A concert, wall rock climbing, something she's never done before. Also, remember to let her know that YOU'RE GOING regardless of whether she says yes.
This shows that you're an exciting guy, and it gives her a reason to say YES, because it's an event SHE SHOULDN'T MISS.
thanks to ChaseMe.
- baLooT Inc 2007 -
If you want to be somewhat original when shaking a girl's hand or anyone's hand for that matter try this:
When going in for the handshake extend your hand and take hers gently. Right before you take her hand have your left (or right) hand come over hers. Hold it there for an extra second and give her your killer smile and some nice eye contact.
I learned this from Trent in swingers and it has worked wonders for me. It shows confidence and you don't see most guys do it. It's different. I get positive reactions literally almost all the time.
Give it a try!
thanks to Otter for this tips.
Picture this: you are a sub-average looking guy, you haven't got the gift of the gab with women, but after just 4 words to the hottest babe at the venue, you have her in your arms squealing with delight?
Sounds like baloney? No, it's called swing dancing!
I took up East Coast swing dancing a couple of years ago. It's a great way to meet girls, and there's always a large girl to guy ratio.
What's great about swing dancing is that it's a fun, cool dance that you can dance to virtually any music with a bit of a beat, and you can make a girl who has never taken a dance lesson in her life, and has no idea what you are about to do, look fantastic on the dance floor.
As we know, girls all have a thing for dancing. And they love being shown off! With swing dancing, unlike e.g. hip-hop, the guy doesn't come across as showing off. He shows off the girl by leading her into wild double-turns and dips and drops.
I went along to an hour class once a week for about a year. It's a pretty simple dance to learn, as the footwork is basic. You become good at dancing with girls who know the steps and moves.
The next art to acquire is to lead girls who have never been near a swing dance class. It doesn't take long -- you just don't worry about the footwork and lead her with your arms. You use moves where the girl has no option but to turn or move the way you lead her.
It's the best social skill I've ever learned -- I now have a whale of a time at weddings, work nights out, or any social occasion where there's some music and a bit of floor space to whirl a girl about on. And besides just enjoying yourself, you provide exhilaration and pleasure to the girls. And there's the buzz of having complete control of the hottest body in the establishment.
Try matching that with conversation!
Oh, by the way, the 4 words are "Hi, like a dance?"
this free tips by The Swingbandit
Most men HATE the idea of "rejection".
I'm not talking about "don't like the idea" or "wish it didn't happen"... I'm talking HATE here.
The idea of walking up to a woman and having her REJECT you causes most men to instantly feel sick in the pit of their stomachs and literally feel a horrible combination of nervousness and confusion.
A guy can psych himself up for an hour to go talk to a woman, but when the moment comes to actually do it, EVERYTHING changes.
The heart rate shoots up, breathing quickens, eyes dart back and forth, thoughts of rejection fill the mind, and eventually the pressure becomes too much to bare.
Most men find this state so scary that they end up deciding to forget about approaching the women... just to end the discomfort.
The temptation is great to just "walk away", because just as quickly as the intense nervousness is triggered by the moment one decides to ACT, it goes away when you decide to "forget about it and walk away".
The fact that "choosing to talk away" leads to the "instant gratification" of the nervous feeling going away makes it the most popular option.
Most of the time (and I'm talking about probably 99% of the time here) men just walk away. They give up before they've even started.
I find this topic fascinating.
If I just think about it, I can remember MANY times in my past where I wanted to talk to a woman, but I just didn't do it.
In fact, many of them are so vivid that I can remember the exact setting, what the girl looked like, who else was there, etc... and I'm talking about situations that happened YEARS ago.
These moments obviously made an impression.
I can also remember kicking myself for DAYS afterwards for not approaching and talking to these girls.
Can you relate?
The Difference Between Actual Rejection and the Fear of Rejection...
I think it's important to realize that there's a BIG difference between ACTUAL rejection (having a girl who is offended, upset, rude, etc. to you when you start talking to her) and the FEAR of rejection (how you feel when you imagine a woman rejecting you).
I've found that for me PERSONALLY, my FEAR of rejection is actually FAR, FAR more painful and difficult to deal with than ACTUAL rejection in the real world.
The main reason for this is that most of the time when a man starts talking to a woman, she is actually rather nice about the whole affair.
Men aren't "rejected" very often!
If a woman isn't interested, she usually just says "I have a boyfriend" or "No thank you"... or she'll just walk away without saying anything at all.
Out of the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of times that I've approached women, I can't remember any time that a woman has yelled "Get away from me you loser! You are unattractive and the very thought of going on a date with you makes me sick to my stomach!"
I'm sure it's happened to SOMEONE, but it's never happened to ME.
The worst I've had is a woman making fun of the words I used (telling me that my pickup line was lame) or just walking away.
No slaps, no boyfriends beating me up, and no yelling.
But here's the kicker...
You can experience an intense FEAR of rejection EVERY time you consider approaching a woman.
Imagine, something you can predict with almost perfect accuracy.
You can be in any situation, anywhere, anytime, and still have FEAR of rejection... which will prevent you from approaching a woman.
Ah, the power of the human mind.
How to Deal with Rejection...
A lot of guys ask me "How do I deal with rejection?".
The answer: Don't worry about it.
If you get "rejected", you'll be fine.
Really.
It's no big deal, and it doesn't happen that often.
And when it does, you'll recover shortly thereafter.
You'll find yourself telling your friends about it, and laughing together. Rejection from a woman is about as painful as getting a "D" on a test.
It's basically insignificant.
The REAL question is "How do I deal with my FEAR of rejection?".
If you can overcome your imaginary FEAR of rejection, you'll be on your way.
Why Women Reject Men...
Now let's talk about those rare instances where a woman actually REJECTS a man.
For the sake of this discussion, I want to define "rejection" as a woman doing something that lets you know that she's upset and offended that you started talking to her, and she responds in a mean or vicious way to make you go away.
I do NOT consider a woman walking away without stopping to talk to you, her saying "No thank you", or any other time when a woman just simply doesn't engage to be "rejection".
If you DO consider these things to be rejection, please stop reading now, call your mom into your room, and tell her that it's time you grew up and moved out... and that she'll get over the fact that she can't choose your clothes for you and hug you when you have a boo-boo anymore.
I digress...
I've found that there are a few main reasons why women actually DO reject men (by the way, it's VERY rare that I actually get "rejected" anymore... it's probably happened to me once in the last 100 times I've started a conversation with a woman... because I don't do dumb-ass things anymore).
Here are the main ones:
1. The guy isn't paying attention, and he does something stupid to begin with.
Some guys think it's appropriate to walk up to a woman, put their arm around her, and say "Hey baby, you sure do look hot tonight".
Some guys don't see anything wrong with following a woman around all night, staring at her constantly, then walking over with a nervous, sweaty-palmed, stalkerish look and saying "You remind me of my sister".
These are bad ideas.
2. The guy doesn't stop when he should.
If two women are sitting alone at a table in the corner, and one of them is obviously upset, and you walk over to them and say "Hi, can I buy you a drink?"... and the upset one looks at you and says "No thanks, we're in the middle of a conversation" (then looks away from you back at her friend)... and you say "Aw, cummon, have a drink. You need to lighten up and have some fun"... and she looks back at you and says firmly "We're busy"... and you say "What, are you in a bad mood or something? I'm just trying to buy you a drink"... and she says "We don't want a drink"... and you say "Well maybe your friend does"... and the friend says "No, I don't want one either"...
OK, hopefully you get it.
If you ever do something like this, you are a dumb ass, and you deserve to be slapped and have 47 drinks thrown in your lap.
3. Making a woman nervous with your body language.
If you start talking to a woman, but your posture is weak and slumped, your eyes are darting around but not meeting hers, and you're wearing an unbuttoned flannel shirt with one of the tails tucked in, you're probably not going to get a favorable response.
If you creep a woman out, things aren't going to work for you.
4. Not understanding a woman's body language and other communication.
When you start talking to a woman, she will let you know within a very short time if she's receptive to talking to you.
If you've been reading too many books that say "A woman will signal her availability and interest by flipping her hair, licking her lips, and cocking her head coyly at you", then get over it.
This stuff happens to Brat Pitt, not to YOU.
And if it DOES happen to you, then skip this part.
When you first start talking to a woman, she's either going to keep talking to you in an open, comfortable way, or she's not.
She's either going to act like things are cool, or she's going to act like they're not.
This is an amazing thought, but women get nervous too. They will often stop talking just because they can't think of anything to say, etc.
But you need to pay attention.
Experience is the best teacher here.
My simple point is that most guys cause rejection by what they're doing. They aren't paying attention, or they're doing things that are offensive.
If you just avoid a few major mistakes, learn how to start conversations with women, and do a few simple things to things RIGHT, you'll all but totally avoid "rejection" from the women you approach.
How to Overcome Fear of Rejection...
The REAL obstacle here is the FEAR.
As I mentioned, FEAR of rejection, or IMAGINING rejection when you should be imagining success, leads to walking away.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Ironically, I've found that the best way to overcome my own fear of rejection was to see that it wasn't going to actually happen.
The more times I approached women and started conversations and the more I saw that women usually responded positively, the less I imagined things going wrong.
This led to a positive feedback loop of me wanting to approach more women and have more success.
Here are a few ideas for overcoming your own FEAR of rejection:
1) Go out to a bar, and watch men approaching women.
Take a Saturday night, and just go out alone. Find a seat at the bar where things are busy, and just watch.
Make sure you visit a place that is REALLY busy, so you can see a lot of people interacting.
Now, pay attention.
You'll begin to pick out the guys who are approaching a lot of women, asking them to dance, buying them drinks, etc. Watch what happens.
You'll be able to see for yourself that most of the time, even if the woman isn't interested, nothing bad happens.
You'll also see that when a guy tries to grab a woman who's walking by, makes a crude sexual comment, or just keeps talking when a woman isn't interested, that the woman might escalate and respond negatively.
You can watch what works and what doesn't right in front of your own eyes.
This will start to reprogram your mind that women don't usually "reject" men, even in the most intense situations where they're being approached all night.
2) Start small.
If you have to, start by talking to women who are PAID to talk to you.
Go to a mall (one of my favorites).
Stores in malls hire attractive young women.
Walk into every store, and start conversations.
Practice making eye contact.
Come up with a few jokes that you can use in any situation ("So, do you own this store? Perfect, then you won't care if I just take some things...")
Ask the salesgirls to smell your new cologne (the one you sprayed on your wrist next door) and give you her opinion.
The more you do this, the more you'll get used to starting conversations with women you don't know, and having comfortable conversations.
3) Choose one default thing for each situation.
It amazes me that guys don't think ahead.
They don't plan what they're going to do.
As the old saying goes "By failing to plan, you plan to fail".
You really need to figure out a DEFAULT thing you can do to start a conversation with any woman, anywhere, anytime.
Once you come up with your idea, mentally rehearse it until you could do it in any situation.
Then get out and do it.
How to Avoid Rejection and Increase Success...
Human beings tend to want to "save face" when it comes to relationships.
We don't like the idea that another person has outright "rejected" us, and we ALSO tend to not want to "hurt other people's feelings" by rejecting them.
This is one of the reasons why women will often lie and say "I have a boyfriend" when they don't.
You must become aware of these "unconscious" processes and motivations, work with them, and eventually become the master of them.
Learn to recognize when a woman is "politely saying no thanks", and move on.
If a woman isn't interested in you, forget about it. It doesn't matter.
Go to the next one. There are plenty.
Learn How and Why Women Feel Attraction for Men...
Most men believe that if they could only overcome their own fear of rejection, and learn how to start talking to women, all their problems would be solved.
Not so!
Just because you can start conversations with women doesn't mean that they'll feel ATTRACTION for you.
It took me a LONG time to really "get" this.
It took me even LONGER to realize that there is actually a way to make women feel the emotion of ATTRACTION for you... just by the way you communicate with them.
I used to believe that it was a mysterious, lucky accident when a woman felt ATTRACTION.
Now I realize that it's only "lucky" for those guys who don't understand it (and very few do).
I've devoted a lot of time, effort, energy, testing, and development to design a system that any guy can use to start making women feel ATTRACTION for him.
thanks to David DeAngelo for this tips.
I don't consider myself a Don Juan. I don't have the perfect thing to say, I'm not always funny, but I do have one quality that most men don't possess anymore: I act like a man.
I realize that this topic has been discussed and addressed over and over again in the form of challenge, confidence, self control, etc. However, there is more to it than that, and I think a lot of guys don't truly understand what it means to be a man.
Being a man, first and foremost, is doing what you want, and standing by what you do.
Before I continue, let me preface this by saying that I don't consider myself an attractive man. Maybe at best a 5 on the looks scale if you were to look at a picture of me. Yet I have a gorgeous woman who is head over heels in love with me, and others who want my attention and are just as good looking. How is this possible?
Yes, I'm confident in what I do -- but lots of guys are. The main thing is that when these girls are around me, they know that I am in charge. If we're in their car, I will drive. If we're at a restaurant, I will ask them what they want, and then order for them. I am not lead around, nor am I pushed around, because I am the man, and whatever girl I am with is WITH ME, not the other way around.
Being a man doesn't just include social interactions, but how I dress and who I associate myself with. For example, I dress according to what I want to wear, not what may or may not be fashionable. I generally wear jeans from Walmart, a pair of Adidas, and a t-shirt. My clothes fit who I am, not the other way around -- just like my car does, and everything else that attributes to my style.
Most importantly is how I treat the woman I am with. I am positive, I am a gentleman, but I never allow her to be the dominant one. If she gets mad at me (assuming it's without much warrant), I will get madder. You would be surprised how well that works when you turn it around on them. If she makes a decision, if I feel she's trying to lead I will choose something else, even if I would have made the same decision had she not said anything.
The fact is, in a world of metrosexuals, feminism, and political correctness, women are thirsty for a man who will act like he was born to act: like a man. If you have the guts to do it, there will always be women out there who want what no other men are providing.
thanks to Tom for this freetips.
When you get a number from a really attractive woman and want to organize a date with her, you need to be smart. If you want to GET her, then you can't just take her out for a drink, a movie or a nice candle-light dinner. Why? Because it doesn't make her feel that gut level emotion called attraction towards you.
You can't just do what every other guy has done before you. If you do, then you will get what all the other guys she has dated got too: a kiss on the cheek and a new female friend.
And we don't want that to happen at all costs!
So, in order to be successful when it comes to the initial date, you need to do something unlike most men. Don't spend any money on her... that just shows her that you want to BUY her affection. A very bad idea! It never works.
You see, most guys assume they need to take a woman on an expensive and lavish date for her to like them, with candles and moonlight and everything she has seen in the movies. But women don't get that attraction feeling in their stomach when you do what everybody else does.
That's why she is going on a date with you... to see if you are different! So give her what she wants.
So where do you take her?
Go to the park, tag her and say "you're it" and let her chase you. Go windows shopping and let her decide what would look good on you. Say "Do you think that bikini over there would suit me? Nah ... I think I'm just a little but too sexy for that don't you think so?" *evil grin*.
Try stealing something from her like cigarettes, make-up ... anything and make her fight for them back. If you are playful about the whole thing and just have fun, she will get attracted to you just like that.
Oh, and then, there is tickling. This NEVER fails to attract a girl even more towards you. Don't ask me why but it NEVER fails, as long as you have built up some attraction already.
What about the confidence? Well, you can show her you are confident just by teasing her and jokingly ordering her around. You can show that you make decisions and you aren't afraid of what she thinks of you.
Then there's the surprise element. Instead of saying "Would you like to go to the park? I know, it doesn't sound too good but it can be" try saying "Let's go to the park, I'll even get you some sweets so you don't have to steal them".
Now I know many of you guys will like the sound of taking a girl to a park because it's cheap and that's true. You don't have to spend a single dime. Does it work? You bet ... where do you think I take all my dates? It's always shopping, then a cup of coffee or the park.
Forget the candle-light dinner, the cinema and your regular bar for the first date. Stick to what works and what is best for creating attraction: The city, coffee shops, and the park.
It never fails.
thanks to Nick Shane for this freetips.
Nick Shane is a street-smart Dating-Expert and author of the book "Playboyskool" and several other products that help regular guys like YOU become more successful with women and dating.
by Ron Louis & David Copeland
In this article we will explore the devastating effects of being nervous around women, and we'll offer some tips on how you can relax and communicate a relaxed and confident image to women.
How many of you struggle with feeling nervous, scared and anxious around women? Out of the thousands of men we've worked with nearly every guy struggles with anxiety. Most guys feel fear when approaching a woman, and guess what? It shows! When you feel scared, the woman senses it, sees it, feels it, and your chances of success go right into the toilet.
Can we make you super calm, cool, and relaxed overnight? No way. Fear and nervousness are part of being a seducer. Fear is a natural response when doing anything exciting -- rock stars feel afraid before walking out on stage, athletes before starting a game, and amazing seducers feel it before approaching a woman. What separates successful people from unsuccessful people is that successful people learn how to utilize the POWER of their fear and use it to propel them into ACTION. Unsuccessful people become paralyzed by fear and fear becomes something that continually knocks them out of the game.
Fear and anxiety, in fact, can impact every aspect of succeeding with women. Not only can you feel nervous inside, but you also telegraph anxiety in your body movements, in the speed and way you speak, and in your general presence around women. So, we're going to recommend some ways to act around women and some ways NOT to act around women. Even if you can only partially implement these suggestions -- your game will greatly improve with women. If not, you're likely to end up just another Boring Nervous Bonehead.
Boring Nervous Boneheads (BNBs) tend to move too quickly. When you feel pressure to approach and talk to a hot babe, your mind, in response, starts to speed up, and pretty soon you have created even more anxiety and it is even harder to make the actual approach. As you speed up, your heart rate then increases, your breathing becomes shallower, and pretty soon you've really freaked yourself out and the chances of success continue to plummet. And then you've again become... just another BNB.
Here are some things you can start doing TODAY to greatly increase your game and help you to more fully get in the game, feel better about yourself, and help you think more clearly and effectively on your feet.
Mindset
If we could listen in to the inner dialog of a BNB we'd hear all sorts of scary stuff. We'd hear someone telling themselves over and over that they are not good enough, that they can never succeed with women, that everyone else can learn from Ron and David -- why can't they? We'd likely hear someone saying over and over, "I can't approach her. I just feel too scared." We would likely hear loads of other negative self-critical talk. And after hearing these yucky things the BNB tells himself over and over, there would be no surprise in watching him fail as he approached women over the course of an evening, a week, a month, or even a year.
The BNB scares himself half to death each time he approaches a woman, rather than consistently working on his mindset to create more confidence. Instead of examining and challenging his limiting beliefs, his fears and concerns, the BNB becomes a victim to his own self-imposed prison.
The successful seducer, however, works for weeks, months, or even years to improve his confidence and feelings of self worth. The successful seducer works on projecting confidence, self-acceptance, strength and openness. The successful seducer consciously works on changing his inner dialog to play the messages that are empowering, not limiting.
Talking Too Fast
The Boring Nervous Bonehead simply talks too damn fast. When approaching a woman for the first time, the BNB talks so fast that she can hardly understand what he is saying. The BNB projects fear from the moment he opens his mouth, and the woman therefore has no doubt that he's just another BNB and blows him off immediately. The successful seducer is able to enunciate when he speaks and he talks slowly enough so that the woman can clearly understand him.
The successful seducer is not in a hurry when talks to women. He feels comfortable enough to leave space in the conversation for silences. The successful seducer enjoys the tension of silence.
The successful seducer takes his time when talking to women so that he can connect with her and he can keep himself in a calm frame of mind. Starting today, when you approach a woman slow down your speed when speaking.
Nervous Movements
There are a host of movements we all do when we're nervous. And to make matters worse, the more nervous movements you make around a woman the more nervous you will feel inside. Start to become aware of how you do these movements and work on eradicating them from your repertoire.
Specifically, a BNB does thing like moving his hands around like a crazy person when he speaks. The BNB fidgets because he is so nervous. He also makes jagged motions that seem unnatural. Jagged motions tend to convey someone who is stiff and tense. Worst of all, the BNB avoids eye contact with women. He's afraid to take the risk of facing a woman, looking into her eyes, and having her know that he is checking her out.
How does the master seducer move? He moves in a graceful manner, not in wild and crazy hand gestures. A relaxed seducer seems like he's out talking to a friend, not trying to bust out some huge sex moves on women. The confident seducer can just enjoy interacting with women at any stage of the game and his body posture and motions display his level of comfort.
Trying Too Hard
The BNB feels he has to win women over, and does so by trying too hard. He comes across more like a used car salesman than a seductive guy. As we mention in "How to Talk to Women", the Extroverted Communicator tends to compensate for fear by talking too much and too loudly. The Introverted Communicator, however, telegraphs his fear by not talking loudly enough and by being too scared to keep initiating conversations with the woman.
The BNB shows that he is trying too hard with women by constantly nodding his head up and down in a "yes" motion when he talks to women, as if this will have some subtle impact on her being in a "yes" sort of mood. He might also frequently say, "Yea, I know just what you mean." Or, "right." Or he will say, "yes", or "ya know." These are all ways to look to her for validation. One sure-fire sign of a BNB is that he looks for validation from women. Guys who seek women's approval tend to become miserable failures with women and tend to forever spin their wheels due to a lack of confidence.
Not Taking Enough Risks
By definition BNBs are BORING! They ask boring questions, they do predictable things, and they take very few actual risks with women. BNBs act like every other guy does and do nothing to stand out. The BNB is so amazed when a woman does actually reciprocate in a conversation that he becomes a submissive puppy dog.
The BNB tends to supplicate to a woman when he first meets her, rather than risk slowing down more, and demanding MORE from both her and him. The BNB settles for his own wimpy behavior to NOT push things harder and to not share his romantic and sexual side with women.
The confident seducer takes risks when interacting and talking to women. The confident seducer challenges women when talking. He moves his body in close to a woman when talking and risks upsetting her. The confident seducer takes conversational risks by bringing up controversial subjects and pushing both touch and humor to the line. The confident seducer also pushes himself to do things that are uncomfortable to both challenge his own sense of fear and to get outside of his own comfort zone.
In closing, you can start TODAY to attack these problems and to actively go out and work on yourself as a seducer. You do this by being out in the field, interacting with women, and putting in the corrections to never again be just another BNB. If you work on the skills put forth today, you will greatly improve your life as a seducer, feel a greater sense of confidence, have more fun with women, and find yourself succeeding at greater levels than you have before.
Good Luck from baLooT Inc
