Making successful small talk with someone you've just met isn't rocket science, but it does demand more effort than tossing out a tired opening line.
The added pressure of a social situation, a date, a party, an encounter at a singles club may tie your tongue into knots. That's because over at the end of the bar sits a 500-pound gorilla named Sex who's difficult to disregard.
During my days as a Playboy magazine receptionist, I chatted up everyone who walked in the door. That gorilla was a permanent resident at Playboy, but I learned to ignore him (Get thee behind me, Simian!) and concentrate on the person at hand. If you show that you are interested, you'll be surprised how quickly people open up.
To get the ball rolling, here are five practical principles for starting a conversation when you don't know what to say.
1. Flattery will get you everywhere. Make with the compliments to begin on a positive note. People are inclined to think well of you if you indicate you think well of them. The trick is picking out what to compliment. Good: Better, "You have such lovely long fingers. Do you play an instrument?" Bad: "Nice rack." That one will bring the gorilla into your threesome before you're even a twosome.
2. Props. Women work hard choosing their accessories, and anyone who notices wins points. "Those shoes are sensational. Are they comfortable?"
Check out a guy's tie, glasses and watch. Look at his feet. I have a mild-mannered cousin who indulges himself by choosing socks with wild patterns. Always carry a book or newspaper. Then, if your new acquaintance doesn't have anything obvious to remark on, you have, "Have you read this?"
3. Redirection. Everyone who walked into the Playboy magazine office had business of some kind on his or her mind. My challenge was to find out what he or she did for relaxation. People love to share their enthusiasm for their hobbies. If you meet someone jogging, see if you can spark some shoptalk. Try to discover what is not obvious - the mind in the sexy blonde, the animal in the geek.
4. Ask more than yes/no questions. A question demands a response, which is the essence of conversational give-and-take. But a yes/no query can bog you down in a monosyllables. Think like a reporter: Ask who, what, when, where and why. Instead of, "Did you see the latest Bruce Willis movie?" try, "What did you think of it?"
5. Listen, really listen, to the other person. Shy people who have trouble making conversation are so anxious about what they are going to say next that they don't listen to what the other person says. Every answer to your intriguing questions opens up new conversational avenues to explore. Follow up on those leads. As an added bonus, the more you concentrate on the other person, the less your palms will sweat, the fewer words for you to stumble over. And your new acquaintance is bound to be charmed by your astute appreciation of his or her own sterling qualities.
Author: Jodie Brittain is the CEO of Slinky Online Dating Australia, a unique Australian online dating service, offering singles access to people searching for friendship, relationships, romance and love. Slinky is Free to join, and welcomes single Australians everywhere to try out our service and meet someone special today.
For more information : www.Slinky.com .
- baLooT Inc 2007 -
Women meet lots of guys every day, but only guys with that magical combination turn them on.
1. Men with resources that translate to physical and social "safety" are much more attractive to women than men without. Things such as physical fitness, power, social status, cash income and other material resources make a man very attractive. And many woman will marry because of this attraction.
2. Yet a man has to have more than just the resources, he also has to be willing to share them. This is where emotional attractiveness comes in. Qualities such as warmth, kindness, intelligence, a sense of humor, sociability, trustworthiness and a stable personality make a man EMOTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE. Emotional attractiveness is the foundation on which affection is built upon and many women tend to divorce because of lack of this attraction.
3. That leaves us with one other very important player in this equation - SEXUAL ATTRACTION.
Sexual attraction provides that extra oomph that accounts for a marked increase in interest in each other. In contrast to romantic and emotional aspects of attraction which tend to appeal to the rational part of women's brains, sexual attraction begins in the most primitive area of the brain giving both men and women a shove to want that woman or that man.
Let me explain it like this: A woman can feel and truly believe that she can spend the rest of her life with a particular guy; she feels there is a deep emotional bond, and has no doubt that she and this guy could form beautiful lives together, raise children if they so chose, and have fantastic experiences. The rational part of her brain knows that the relationship would be rich with laughter, support, communication, trust etc. but she will hesitate if there is no sexual attraction in that relationship.
Just a few decades ago, before the sexual revolution, many women would go on with the relationship but with the sexual revolution and the era of "choice", most women opt for "let's be friends". If she does go for the relationship, she may experience dissatisfaction in the relationship and at times, this then leads to cheating or an affair or to a crisis or reevaluation of the relationship.
Sexual attraction is a kind of regenerating energy that makes women (and men) quiver with sensation and anticipation (pounding heart, butterflies in the stomach, sweating palms, weak knees, euphoria and so forth).
This is not just about "having sex' but rather the way a man UNDERSTANDS and INTERPRETS his sexual thoughts, feelings, fantasies, actions and bodily experiences and his ABILITY TO "TRANSFER" those thoughts, feelings, fantasies, actions and bodily experiences to the opposite sex in a way that causes them to also quiver with sensation and anticipation.
Some men do this with so much ease (ready to cause explosions anytime, anywhere), but most men fall somewhere in the great continuum of barely able to cause a ripple and desiring to cause one. The guy at the "desiring" end of the continuum may be a really "nice" guy but unable to inspire stomach butterflies. A woman may even allow him to approach or kiss her but because she doesn't "feel any sparks" she doesn't quiver with sensation and anticipation and she doesn't daydream about him - sexually.
Those heart-pounding and knee-jerk reactions may not last long and often cannot be expected to evolve into a relationship unless there are other stable aspects of romantic and emotional attraction, but at the end of the day, having a woman sexually attracted to you can result in her attitude towards you being more friendly, helpful and easier to work with.
If you are reading this article, you probably already know what I am talking about when I say "her attitude towards you could be a lot easier" to work with.
About the Author
Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
- baLooT Inc 2007 -
What do Sean Connery, Brad Pitt, Bruce Willis, and George Clooney all have in common?
Well these guys all demonstrate the signs of the prototypical Alpha Male. Without saying a word, they're able to show confidence and sexuality simply through their body language. This helps them instantly attract women.
Now I know what's probably running through your head...
You might think that women are attracted to these guys because of their fame, looks or money. But you're wrong. I would bet if you took away all of these things, women would STILL be attracted to these actors.
Why's that?
Well it's simple- these guys know how to show alpha male traits around women. Surprisingly enough, you can learn how to do the same!
If you keep on reading, I'll reveal the secrets of how to become an alpha male with your body language. If you incorporate these 6 tips, you'll be able to transform yourself into a seductive guy who can easily attract women.
1- Get rid of 'Beta Male' traits
Before you can become an alpha male, you must ditch all the body language traits which show weakness and inferior status. For instance, you should stop doing these things:
* Putting your hands in your pockets
* Fidgeting with your hands or fingers
* Slumping your shoulders down
* Folding your arms
* Looking uncomfortable
* Being afraid to take up space
If you can detect these mistakes and work hard to correct them, you'll instantly start to show more alpha male traits.
2- Be confident
There is ONE thing about being an alpha male you should always remember...
Women love confidence!
If you display confidence with your body language, you'll easily impress women. In order to show this alpha male behavior, you need to be calm and poised at all times.
Now if you have a problem with your confidence, I recommend you make an effort to fix it. So look within and find out what's causing these unconfident feelings. Then work hard at fixing them.
3- Don't worry be happy
A lot of "Beta Male" characteristics stem from nervousness and tension. If you want to act like an alpha male, you must learn to never worry about the outcome with a female.
Just remember that the dating game is not a life and death situation. So relax and enjoy your interactions with women.
Please understand that the body displays what the mind is thinking. By worrying and being nervous, you'll display inferior body language. Once you remove your anxiety you'll display a more alpha male personality.
4- Be relaxed
The alpha male ALWAYS shows a relaxed pose in every situation. So if you want to display alpha male behavior, you need to learn how to chill around women. Here are a few ways to do this:
* Your eyes concentrated on the person in the conversation
* You never let your eyes dart around the room
* You know how to lean back and look comfortable
* You breath through your stomach instead of your chest
By showing a relaxed pose, you'll easily make women more comfortable around you.
5- You move deliberately
The beta male is always jumpy and ready to please people.
Honestly, one of the core traits of a beta male is somebody who is instantly ready to do favors for people. If somebody needs help, the beta male will instantly come running.
Instead of showing this personality, you need to move slowly and at your own pace. By taking deliberate actions with every step, you'll force people to pay attention to your schedule not theirs.
If you want to attract more women, you must learn how to become an alpha male. By learning how to demonstrate this quality, you'll create a "movie star" quality about yourself. Then women will be pulled towards your magnetic personality.
About the Author:
Want to learn 50 different ways for meeting, approaching and attracting women? If so, take a look at Scott Patterson's Free eBook which provides 50 tips for instant dating success.
- baLooT Inc 2007 -
Goodbye SNAG, Hello Masculine Man!
What is a SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) and What is a Masculine Man?
A couple of decades ago, we all got a little ‘too politically correct’ and created the SNAG.
Madonna added fuel to the fire with her catchy lyrics, “You know, you know you've got to make him express how he feels…maybe then you’ll know your love is real.”
Guys got confused and out came the dozen roses and daily “I love you” comments.
But it didn’t work.
Why?
Women aren’t attracted to overly-sensitive nice guys who express their feelings all the time.
So, how do you attract women these days?
Well, for those of you who aren’t up to speed - SNAG’s have been deleted from the ‘wish lists’ of women all over the world.
Common traits of a S.N.A.G (Sensitive New Age Guy)
He might:
- Cry at a wedding or during a soppy movie.
- Tell you that he’s in touch with his ‘feminine side’.
- Be overly polite to women.
- Be attracted to women who ‘mother’ him.
- Find that he can relate better to women. Yet, when you look closely - he never gets to date any of them!
- Be a shoulder to cry on for women, when they ‘complain’ about the drama with their boyfriends (who are not SNAGs).
- Like wearing pink.
So, if SNAGs are the leftovers from the ‘too politically correct 90s’, what’s on the menu in the modern world?
Quite simply, masculine men are back and we’re here to stay.
Common traits of a MASCULINE MAN
He:
- He can enjoy the emotions of a wedding or a soppy movie, but doesn’t need to cry to express his appreciation.
- Expresses masculinity through his behavior and psychology.
- Knows how to make a woman feel feminine.
- Isn’t attracted to women who refuse to play the feminine role in a relationship. Example: Miranda from Sex and The City.
- Knows what he wants in life.
- Is confident when interacting with women.
- Relates well with women and also gets to date as many of them as he likes.
- Is often the guy that women are talking about.
- Doesn’t wear pink.
Recommended: Conversation Starters or Best Pick Up Lines here.
- baLooT Inc 2007 -
Have you ever approached a woman at a party but have been turned away? Are you often unsuccessful in your attempts at getting yourself a date with the girl you have secretly admired? Have you faced humiliation for your endeavors? If yes, help's at hand.
Most of us are not born flirts. And let's accept it does take a while before one can learn the tips and tricks of getting 'acquainted' with women. Until then, one has to learn to take the humiliation in good spirit, without feeling too self-conscious. But one important thing that you need to remember is that even if it's the first time you're approaching a woman, there are certain dos and don'ts that you need to follow if you don't want to completely put the girl off.
One of the most important things is your looks. No, this does not mean that you have to be a Greek God - just looking presentable is enough. Model Joanne Robinson feels that since the first impression is usually the last impression, it's important to be dressed appropriately.
"You don't have to be dressed in brands, just a simple shirt and jeans would do," she says. One thing that completely turns her off is tight-fitting t-shirts, especially when worn by men who don't have a great body. "Why can't men simply wear a shirt!" she exclaims.
It's great if you've got the looks. But if you don't have the right attitude, things might not work for you, warns actress Melissa. "The body language plays an important role. One has to be confident when approaching a woman," she explains. But over-confidence can backfire, warns actor Robert Clark. "Too much attitude can be a put-off. Just be yourself and be confident of who you are. Don't pretend to be a Robert De Niro. Good humor, of course, helps, but please don't bore a woman with PJs.
Since we're on the topic of body language, V J Don Ford advises that men should keep a check on where they're looking. "Look her in the eye... however distracting it is elsewhere. And avoid too much alcohol, for it can make you do things that you might regret later," warns Ford.
Many men equate humor with one-liners, which is definitely not the case. Robinson finds one-liners a total put-off. "The most common one-liner that I've been subjected to is 'I think we've met before... or was it your sister?' They expect me to react positively when they claim that they know my twin sister Kim, which is ridiculous," she says, exasperated.
Bragging is regarded as one of the most unpopular traits among women as well as men. While it is wise to keep the conversation going, vanity is the last thing that would interest a woman. Instead of talking about themselves, their money, their cars and so on, they should make an attempt to know more about the woman. And more importantly, compliment them where required. However, being sugary and syrupy or making cheesy remarks doesn't work. It sounds so unoriginal.
Actress Mona Wasu is wary of men who use polite gestures for subtle signals. "I was in school and was on talking terms with a guy who was with me in my tuition class. One day he asked me if I had a reference book that he could borrow. I didn't have the book but told him that I could borrow it from a friend for him. When we were on our way back from my friend's home, he presented me with a flower and proposed to me.
I was shocked but I expressed my feelings, to which he said that the fact that I was making such an effort was a sign that I'm interested!" explains Wasu.
It's true - men don't take rejection too well; and worse, become a pile-on. I recall an incident: "One of my friends used to approach women by asking them for a dance. And if they declined him he would simply say; 'Oh, I don't feel like dancing either!' and would refuse to budge, trying to make small talk with them. I'm sure that can get very irritating."
Rejection is part of life but why be a spoil sport? Let's face it, these embarrassing moments give us a reason to laugh years later when we think about them. So go on, don't give up.
Author: Michael Douglas is a relationship expert and the webmaster of http://www.mendatingmanual.com where he provides tips and advice on how to ask a girl for her phone number and how to get physical with her
- baLooT Inc 2007 -
Do you often find it hard to get girls to like you?
Well if so, you're not alone.
One of life's major problems is getting a girl to be attracted to you and to like you. Now if you're like most men, then you probably don't know where to start. The question is how to get girls to like you without make an idiot of yourself?
Fortunately there is an easy solution to this problem. When I receive an email from my loyal list subscribers asking about getting a girl to like them, the first thing I tell them to do is to build rapport!
So what is rapport?
Well rapport is a physical and emotional connection between two people. Primarily with a girl it's having an intimate level of chemistry (romantic & sexual feelings). In modern language, rapport can be described as "hitting it off" with a woman.
So if you really want to learn how to get girls to like you, then you should focus on build rapport with them. And this can be accomplished in 4 "easy to learn" steps:
Step #1- Be a positive guy around girls
Whenever you're around girls, you must display a positive attitude and level of emotion. In order to be well liked, you need to show an exciting personality which stands out from other guys.
By displaying a positive vibe, you'll find that girls will be magnetically drawn to your personality. In addition, you'll become the fun guy that everyone wants to be around.
Step #2- Be an energetic guy
Girls are attracted to energetic guys who are full of life. So when you're around them, you have to smile and make them feel comfortable.
In order to maximize this trait, you must get rid of ALL negative feelings or emotions which hinder your chances of building rapport. So ditch the bad moods and sullen disposition. Instead try to be an exciting guy who girls want to know more about.
Step #3- Be a confident guy
Confidence is a MAJOR trait which all girls love about guys. So when you're trying to build rapport with a girl, make an effort to display a confident and alpha male personality.
By demonstrating to girls that you're not afraid to take charge of situation and use some initiative, you're demonstrating a basic attraction mechanism. In essence girls are attracted to men who step up to the plate and go for what they want out of life.
Step #4- Be a relaxed guy who doesn't worry about outcomes
The last step towards building rapport is to never worry about any outcome around a girl. Your goal around girls is to relax and have fun. This means you never worry about hooking up or dating a girl. Instead you simply act like a cool guy who carries himself with a quiet sense of confidence.
By cultivating this personality, girls will come to you. So you won't have to work hard to get them to like you.
So if you want to discover how to get girls to like you I recommend that you work hard to develop these 4 fundamental personality traits. If you incorporate them into your life, you'll instantly transform yourself into a guy who all girls like.
by Scott Patterson- baLooT Inc 2007 - Read More......
Here's a little experiment I would like you to do over the next two weeks. I would like you to groom yourself better, work out at the gym more often, and "dress better" than you usually do. Then I would like you to smile and make eye contact with women and see if they respond to you than they did before.
Here're a couple of guidelines for this exercise:
1) Workout four times a week.
2) Shave
3) Trim your nose hair.
4) Cut your nails.
5) Make sure your hair is neat and well-styled.
6) Shower often.
7) Wear a tiny bit of cologne.
8) Wear clean underwear. (This is actually a confidence booster!)
9) Wear clean shoes. They don't have to be new or expensive. Just make sure they are clean. Go buy yourself a cheap pair of dress shoes at Walmart if you have to.
10) Wear a dress shirt instead of a t-shirt whenever possible.
11) Put on your best jacket.
12) Wear your biggest smile.
Yes, I know this may all sound very shallow and superfacial. But the truth is, people DO judge you on their first impression of you, and that's why you should always "package" yourself to look the best you can when you go out and meet people.
Once you notice how women react to you differently when you're more concerned about your personal appearance, you may not want to go back!
- baLooT Inc 2007 -
Today's tip is going to be a little bit "evil". I'm going to tell you that sometimes it is good for your girlfriend to feel a little bit insecure about herself.
When a woman feels insecure about herself or doubts that you will stay with her, the "natural" response is usually to comfort or reassure her. But guess what? That is not always the right thing to do.
If a woman is one hundred percent certain that you won't ever leave her, guess what she's going to do?
That's right. She's going to lower her attraction for you. She may even cheat or leave you for another man.
Think about it. If a woman is never sure if you would leave her if she ever cheated on you, do you think she would be LESS likely to cheat on you?
Of course, this does not mean that you should be "abusive" and make a woman feel insecure on purpose. I do not teach any of that. (Nor do I believe in it.) However, what I DO suggest you to do is to "draw the boundaries". From the moment you get into a relationship with a woman, show her that you won't tolerate any "bullsh**" by acting like a man. Don't be afraid of calling out on her when she "screws up", and don't be afraid of giving her the silent treatment or pulling back from the relationship if she misbehaves.
- baLooT Inc 2007 -
