What Women Really Mean When They Say They Want A "Nice Guy"

If you spend any time reading the profiles on Match.com or any of the other online dating sites, you'll see a lot of women who say they just want to meet "a nice guy."

Furthermore, if you talk to women about relationships often you'll hear, "I'm tired of dating all these jerks. I just want to meet a nice guy."

Guys read and hear this, so when they meet a woman, they act like a "nice guy." They're sweet, respectful, give her compliments, gifts a peck on the cheek--and they never see her again.

What's her reason? She'll say, "he was a really nice guy, but there was no chemistry there." Remarkably enough, this is the same woman who says, "I just want to meet a nice guy."

What's the disconnect, what's going on here? Why do women say they want to meet nice guys, but when they do meet one they don't want to see him again because there's no "chemistry?"

The answer has to do with what we as men think a nice guy is, and what women really mean when they say a "nice guy."

We think of a "nice guy" as a guy who's meek, mild, unoffensive, humble, a guy who compliments women, buys them gifts, lets them make all the decisions, wants her to "just be happy," and is very careful to do nothing to offend her.

Women think of a nice guy as a guy who makes them feel like they feel when they're around the jerkiest of jerks, but doesn't come with the baggage and negative behaviors the jerks always come with.

Here's what women want when they say they want to meet a "nice guy:" a man with a strong sense of personal authority, with a naughty, fun, playful side, who genuinely likes women. While he engages in "naughty behavior" he doesn't do the things jerks do: lying, abusing, freeloading, etc.

In other words the "nice guy" women want makes them feel like she's with a jerk without the bad behaviors the jerk brings. So next time you hear or read a woman say, "I just want to meet a nice guy," you'll know what she really means--and it has nothing to do with how men define a nice guy.

Author: John Alanis, "The King of Let 'em Come to You", runs the website http://www.manold.com.

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