Dating Advice: Don't Sabotage a Special Relationship

You're dating a new guy, and you're crazy about him. You're feeling vulnerable, you definitely don't want to get hurt, so you call a few friends to analyze things he's said to get their perspective. Is this a good idea?

Not really.

While it's tempting to give friends an I-said-he-said account of your conversations with a new love, it's a big mistake. You destroy whatever intimacy that developed. If you want a special relationship, keep it special by keeping it between the two people it involves: Him and you.

(Discount this advice if this man has ever hit you or threatened you in any way. In that case, RUN FOR THE HILLS. Dial 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for help!).

As for a normal new boyfriend, your friends do not know him any better than you do (unless they're his sisters, in which case you should definitely keep quiet about him).

Do not invite other people to speculate about your relationship. It's not their place, and it's none of their business. Trust yourself to make the right decision about whether or not he is the one for you.

Avoid asking questions like, "Do you think he likes me?" and "What do you think it meant when he...?" Use a man's actions to gauge his feelings for you. If you don't understand something he did or said, ask him about it. For instance, "You asked me to meet you at 6:30, but you didn't show up until 7:15. Was there a lot of traffic?"

See what he has to say for himself. Does he seem genuinely sorry, or does he pull the same stunt the next time? Respond accordingly.

Acknowledge your own feelings, always: Do you feel good around him? Confident? Attractive? Or do you feel insecure? Stupid? Fat and ugly? You know how you feel around someone who likes you, so seek your own counsel.

When you discuss your relationship with other people, you cheapen it. You undermine it, too, because you've made it subject to others' opinions. You've raised the stakes because if the relationship tanks, you might as well have taken out an ad in the New York Times.

Give your new relationship the dignity it deserves and keep it to yourself. Offer it care and attention. Trust yourself to let it develop as it should. If it's meant to be, you'll know it.

If it's not, you'll know it,too.

Author: Terry MacDonald is the happily married author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Sign up for free dating tips at http://www.marrysmart.com . For Dating Advice (Almost) Daily, go to http://happygirlmusing.blogspot.com

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